


One and Only

by theonlyone



Category: Benedict Cumberbatch - Fandom
Genre: Benedict Cumberbatch - Freeform, Developing Relationship, England (Country), Eventual Fluff, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Female Friendship, Fluff, Gen, London, Lots of plot, Love, Male Friendship, Multi, Romance, fluff with plot, multi-chapter, smut with plot, tom hiddleston - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-11
Updated: 2016-02-23
Packaged: 2018-01-24 08:13:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 38,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1597874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theonlyone/pseuds/theonlyone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adaline and her best friend Jess take a long-awaited trip to London and despite some disastrous days, they do their best to enjoy the city.<br/>On a chance meeting Adaline meets a man on whom she makes a very deep impression on and who insists on showing her the beauty of London as well as showing her a few other things.</p><p>I'm terrible at summaries, it's not as cheesy as it sounds. I promise.</p><p>My very first work, comments are welcome !</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Never Would Have Run Through The Blinding Rain, Without a Dollar to my Name

**Author's Note:**

> Hello to anyone out here !  
> This is my very first story and I'm just seeing how it goes.
> 
> I'm very open to all kinds of comments/questions/ideas.  
> All is welcome and all are welcome.
> 
> Please let me know what you think!
> 
> Here goes !

I’ll take two hot chocolates, please and thank you”, I smiled warmly at the young girl across the counter.  
“Right, that’ll be £3.50 miss” she replied.  
I handed her the change, counting the coins which still felt strange in my hand.  
“I think… that’s about right? Sorry, I’m still not used to this currency.” I apologized softly.  
“New to Londontown eh? That’s okay miss, you’ve got the right amount.” She smiled reassuringly.  
That was the issue with being a tourist and not knowing the money, how would you ever know? The girl seemed nice enough so, I smiled back and went to the side bar to wait for my drinks.  
“Ade, I’ve got us tables by the windows, is that alright? Right there at the back.” I turned to the sound of my name to see my very best friend Jessa.  
“Of course, wherever is fine Jess, I’m just waiting on our drinks. Did you get all cleaned up?” I asked her with a giggle.  
Our very first afternoon in London and of course we had been caught in the rain. The misleading sunny skies as we left the hotel very quickly became stormy rainclouds and even more suddenly a powerful downpour of rain.  
That’ll teach me to come to London without an umbrella.  
“Yeah, just about. I stood under the hand drier for a good twenty minutes, my shoes are still squishy with water but what can I do? I still can’t believe how quickly that snuck up on us, stupid rain.” Jessa sulked and squished on her way back to the table and it was hard not to stifle a giggle.  
“Two hot chocolates for Adaline?” a voice rang.  
“Oh that’s me! Thank you so much.” I said as I received the cups from the young man across the bar.  
“I hope that these’ll get you warmed up, I made them as possibly warm as I could”, said the man.  
“Oh why, thank you! Big city hospitality still exists!”  
“ADE, I’m freezing!” and with Jess’ call I made my way to our table. I handed her the cups and warned her to not drink it yet.  
“Doesn’t matter, can’t keep my teeth from chattering anyway,” she smiled. “So much for our first day Ade. I really hope that the rest of the trip isn’t like this, I mean, three months of rain and soaked jeans? I couldn’t possibly bear it!” With a flair of her hand at her forehead, Jess’ dramatic gesture put us both in a fit of giggles.  
“Oh god Jess, I’m sure we’ll learn to bring an umbrella next time and to not dress up so much just to go walking around. I mean serves us right, expecting so much out of our first night, look at us!”  
Jess eyed me from head to toe, and there I was. 5’6”, dark brown hair, smeared make up and soaked thoroughly. We had gotten ready at the hotel in hopes that looking better might make us feel better after a terrible flight.  
Jess and I had been so excited on the plane that our stomachs were in knots, so of course when we hit some rough air, our stomachs decided to come up to visit.  
We had been planning this trip for years, as far back as I could remember Jess and I had been dreaming of Europe. In our very first year of university, we had bonded over what we then called “The Quintessential English Checklist”. Shakespeare, old cities, history, The Queen, tea and British Television. So much so that our first sleepover was actually a marathon of all documentaries on England we could find.  
Our degrees had put off this trip for some time, and even then it almost didn’t happen. Had it not been for an old schoolmate of mine who offered Jess a temporary job as a physician in London, I could have never convinced her.  
“Oh come on Jess! It’s perfect! It’s a sign! Come ON! I mean, what are the chances that Steven would go to London, randomly remember me, meet you and then offer you a job! This is our chance, we can finally do all those things we’ve always planned. We can go see a play at the West End, take a trip on the London Eye, Buckingham Palace, all those things! Imagine the museums!” I had said, jumping on her bed like a giddy teenager.  
The timing was perfect, we had just finished our placements, Jess at the hospital and me at the research labs. For over 3 years, I had been under the guidance of Professor Ford, with whom I studied the effect of culture on the human psyche. Even better for me, Professor Ford referred me to his London colleagues and I was offered a paid internship at the Institute for Cultural Research.  
Both Jess and I were offered money and stay at a hotel until we found a place to stay in London. We decided to stay together and spend our three free weeks to get settled with each other.  
“Hello? Heeeelllooooooooo? Earth to Ada? You there homeslice? Hellloooo?” Jess called to me. “Zoned out again? Adaline, do not make me spend the rest of this trip talking to myself. Do not make this a repeat of New York.”  
“Sorry, sorry Jess. I just can’t stop thinking about how crazy it is that we’re finally here. I know today sucked, but how about we finish these drinks, walk back to the hotel, and just try to rest up. I’m thinking we should head to central London tomorrow, seeking adventures and such. We’re tired and its getting late and with the time difference we are way behind on our sleep. And you know how much I need my sleep”, I said.  
“Yeah, alright, but you better be paying for lunch tomorrow” Jess grumbled with a smirk.  
“Anything for you my darling, anything in London”.

 

________________________________________________

The next morning I awoke to the sound of a knock at the door, “Hilton Housekeeping!” a voice announced.  
“Mmmmmm, Ade, no, tell them no, I sleep.” Jess mumbled.  
I peeked from the covers, maybe if we didn’t say anything she’d just go away?  
“Housekeeping! Ma’am!” called out the voice once more.  
I looked over at my cell phone, 12:30 already. Well, might as well get up. I got up and let the woman in, while she cleaned I went over to Jess’s bed and snuggled with my best friend.  
“You have your own bed, go away Ade! I’m not paying for two queen beds to share one with your smelly morning breath” Jess said without even opening her eyes.  
“Why don’t you love me Jessa, why why why why why” I protested.  
“One day, you silly goose, you will find a man who will put up with your silliness and I will be free from this torture, but for now, get off my bed!” and with that she pushed me off and threw a pillow on top for good measure.  
I looked up at her over the bed, and made my best attempt at an evil glare.  
“Fine! But I call the shower!” I stood and declared.

____________________________________________________________

“Okay, Jess, don’t forget, the N9 towards Soho and then we walk, okay?” I looked at her, taking one last look at the map before we left the hotel room.  
“I still don’t understand why we don’t just take our phones and use a map app Ada, saves us the trouble and saves me a headache.”  
“Because Jessa, I don’t want-“  
“A repeat of New York, yeah, I know.” Jess said, defeated.  
“No more stolen phones by old ladies with cute scarves for sale! Now grab the umbrella or we’re gonna be late” I grabbed her hand and soon enough we were on our way to Trafalgar square.  
After a few hours of walking around, we were getting pretty hungry so we stopped at a restaurant called Frankie and Bennies. We ordered a few drinks and both had the Cajun Chicken Pasta Bake.  
“All this eating makes me want to shop, I must buy things Adaline, I must!” Jessa exclaimed as we paid our bill.  
“My feet hurt Jess, and we said we’d go to the National Gallery today!”  
“I know, I know, and we will, but what’s a little shopping if not the best kind of dessert. Come on, if you want, you can stay here and have a few drinks and I’ll be back before you know it. I saw a union jack shirt, and I would be a terrible tourist if I didn’t get one right away.” Jess had a way of bargaining with me.  
“Well, if alcohol is involved, shop all you like. Meet back here in an hour max, I don’t want to have to come back another day Jess. There’s too much to see. And take the umbrella, if it rains on you I don’t want to hear complaining.” I conceded.  
“Yes! Okay, I’ll be back here then, if not, I’ll meet you there. And no, it’s okay, I won’t be far.” She hugged me and smiled.  
“Don’t think I won’t leave without you missy!” I smiled as she waved goodbye.

___________________________________________________________________________-

6:30pm.

Well, there goes that. The National was definitely closed now, and it had been over two hours since I’d seen Jess. I’d waited for as long as I could inside the restaurant but when she didn’t come back I knew she’d gotten sidetracked like always.  
I had gone through most of the stores on the street and still no sign. I decided to walk a little further down the street knowing that Jess would be looking for the “Unique Boutiques” as she called them, always the ones hidden away on side streets.  
I’d been walking for maybe ten minutes when it began to rain; at first just a few drops, then buckets of water, as if the heavens had opened. For a second, I thanked the fact that I had been left with the umbrella but then I realized that this would only make finding Jess all the more difficult.  
Through the rain I tried to look for a place that was open, and I spotted a café that looked more like a hole in the wall than an actual establishment.  
As I made my way in through the narrow door, I closed my umbrella. Of course it was stuck, of course, what other horrible thing could happen today. Stuck in a city all alone, in the rain, with a broken umbrella, beautiful.  
I jiggled the stupid piece of metal and fabric in frustration.  
“Stupid… I- umbrella. Ugh!” I grunted.  
“Ow! Hell! Ow! What- Miss!” a voice exclaimed.  
“What-I- Oh! I’m so sorry! Jeez, stupid umbrella. Fuck!” I’d hit some poor man in the eye with the top of the umbrella. Of course, stupid umbrella.  
“It’s… uh… alright… ow.” The man said rubbing his eye.  
“I’m so sorry, I really am, I didn’t see you and the umbrella got caught and it’s raining and I can’t find my friend and THIS UMBRELLA STILL ISN’T CLOSING. WHY.” I spoke quickly, out of embarrassment and pure frustration.  
“Ah, I see. That’s alright, I understand. Here, come inside, no sense standing out in the rain with a stupid broken umbrella”, the man chuckled.  
“Yeah, okay.” I said, stepping inside.  
Once inside, the comforting scent of coffee beans overwhelmed me. I took a deep calming breath and looked around.  
The place was expectedly small, a few comfortable chairs with some tables in front, a fireplace with two chairs in the front, a booth in the back and a man and a woman at the bar speaking to a man across it, the bartender I assumed.  
The small coffee shop was dimly lit, but it helped to create a warm feeling. With the rain and the smell of coffee, I was comforted and for some reason I shivered.  
“Oh, you must be freezing! Of course. Here, take a seat in front of the fire,” said the man again.  
I looked up and finally looked at the guy. Tall and most definitely British. That was all I could make out in the light.  
I just sort of looked at him until he guided my shoulders over to the seat in front of the fireplace.  
“Is there anything I can get you? I was just on my way out for a smoke but I think I should help you first” he said.  
I finally focused enough to answer.  
“No, thank you, that’s really very kind of you but I just need to find my friend. She went out shopping near the square and hasn’t come back in a couple hours. I’m afraid I’ve lost her to the magic of consumerism once more.” I joked.  
He chuckled and looked at me. The light of the fire helped distinguish some features. He had piercing blue eyes and a kind smile.  
“Is there a number you can call her at? You can use my mobile after I call a doctor to see if I had to get my eye removed.” He smiled at me again.  
“Oh god, I’m really sorry about that. Here, let me take a look at it. If anything, I know some basic first aid and we can try and save the eye.” I smiled.  
I pulled him more into the light of the fire.  
“There’s some redness and a few tears, but I think you’ll live. I’ll go ask the bar for some ice.” I said with a smile, which he once again returned.  
I guess I’m all smiles right now. The poor man was squinting now and looking out of his only good eye. Dammit, leave it to me to maim a stranger in a foreign country.  
“Let me at least get you some coffee, or tea, or whiskey to dull the pain? I really do feel bad.” I said.  
He seemed to pause for a moment.  
“A tea, if you’d like. But you must let me pay. I see that you’re not having the best of evenings.”  
What a nice guy. I like this guy. I like England. Gentlemen and stuff. Yeah.  
“Ahaha, alright, let’s go.” We walked up to the bar, and he asked for our things. We received them and he said to the bartender, “Thanks Mark, just put it on the tab, alright?”

The bartender gave a curt nod and we walked back to the fireplace, the man and woman at the bar following our walk for a short second. Did I interrupt you or…?  
I sat down on one of the chairs and he sat in the one beside it. I took a few ice cubes and wrapped them in a napkin and passed it down to him.  
“Thanks,” he took them and smiled, “so, this friend of yours, can she be reached?”  
“I’m afraid not, we decided to leave our phones back at the hotel.” I said.  
“Ah, not from here I see. Well, the accent gives you away, but you never know.” He winced as he placed the ice on his eye.  
“Yes, tourists for a bit, we’re both here for work, but not quite yet. We’ve been at the Hilton so far, but we decided to explore London today, we were supposed to head to the National Gallery, but then she left and hasn’t come back. I bet she’d hiding in Prada somewhere. It’s too bad because I really wanted to go. But I guess there’s nothing I can do. I could call the hotel, but even then, she has the wallet with our money, hotel cards and everything. So I don’t even know what I could do.” I sighed.  
“Wow, seems like you’re in quite the predicament. Is there any way I can help?”  
“Ha, no I think I’ve bothered you all I can for today. Thank you though, you’ve been very kind, in spite of everything.” I smiled, grateful for his generosity.  
He peered at me through his blue eyes, and I took a moment to admire him. He was quite handsome, not in the regular way, where it’s sort of obvious and in-your-face. He had sharp cheekbones, and his nose was dotted in freckles. His lips were a plump pink cupid’s bow and his jaw set firmly. His hair seemed a light brown, parted mostly to the side, but long enough to see some curls forming at the ends.  
He wore a dark blue shirt with a leather jacket and jeans. Quintessentially British, Jess would say.  
I realized I’d been staring for a second too long when he broke the silence.  
“So where are you from? American, I presume.”  
“Oh no, a little further north. Canada.” I smiled, proudly.  
“Oh, our cousins from the western hemisphere! Where in Canada? I’ve been a few times for work, maybe I’d know?” he offered.  
“Really? Very cool. I’m from Toronto. As is my missing friend.” I responded.  
“I’ve been there! Very nice city, hints of London and New York in it, aren’t there?”  
“Yeah, I’ve now been to both, so I can say that yes! Some hints, but a great city on our own nonetheless.” Smiling, I said while I poured us some tea.  
I took a few sips, which greatly soothed my weary self.  
“So, where else were you planning to visit?” he looked at me.  
So many questions, who even is this guy? I still, for some silly reason felt I could speak to him without fear of kidnapping or something.  
“Well, Jess and I- Jess is my missing friend – and I have this silly thing we call the “Quintessentially British List” it’s got all the typical tourist sights and then some. You know, The Eye, Shakespeare, Buckingham Palace, the museums and such. We’ve had it planned for years.” I smiled, hoping that if Jess ever turned up we’d eventually get to at least one of them. Before she ran off again that is.  
“That’s quite list. You sure you’ll get to it?” he said with a smile.  
“Yes, as long as Jess shows up. We’re supposed to go see a Shakespeare play this week, but we haven’t even picked one yet. So, who knows really. I really hope we do though.”  
“I’ve actually got a friend doing a Shakespeare right now!” he said excitedly.  
I giggled. “Of course! I feel like here, everyone knows an actor, and of course it’s Shakespeare. They’re everywhere!”  
“How do you mean?” he looked puzzled.  
“I’m not sure. It’s one of those things, isn’t it? In such a big city, there’s so much talent. Everyone is bound to be friends with a few actors aren’t they? I do commend them on that though, it’s such a difficult profession. But those who have the passion, and obviously the skill, can do wonders. I mean, more than anyone… actors can do anything under the sun, they can be anyone, anything, they can make you love them, hate them, sometimes both. They can puzzle you, and amaze you, and they can convey a million emotions that aren’t even their own. I think it takes a lot to be able to become someone who you aren’t not only once but over and over again…”  
He was looking at me curiously.  
“Yes, erm, well, even my ex-girlfriend was an actress. So I guess your theory is correct!” he looked over at me.  
“Wow, well done you,” I laughed, “I don’t think I could ever date an actor, I feel like since their lives are so connected to their work, their happiness depends a lot on it. It would either take a very steady career or a very strong relationship to make it work. And well, neither is guaranteed, is it?”  
He looked into the fire, “Yes… I guess so.”  
I took another few sips of tea.  
“Aren’t you going to drink—“  
“You know, if Jess doesn’t appear—“  
We spoke at the same time.  
“Sorry!”  
“Sorry!”  
And again.  
We laughed.  
“Sorry, haha, you were saying?” he asked.  
“Oh, I was just wondering if you were gonna drink your tea! Isn’t it against British law to not drink tea or something?” I joked.  
“Funny.” He chuckled as he set down the ice and poured a cup.  
“What were you going to say?” I inquired curiously.  
“Oh, uhm, well. I was just about to say that if you wanted, I could get you some tickets to my friend’s show. I’m sure he’d be delighted to help out some new Londoners. And if your friend doesn’t want to, maybe I could—“

“ADALINE! ADE! ADE! OH I’M SO GLAD!!!” I turned to the sound of Jess’ voice and stood immediately.  
“Jess! Where were you! I looked everywhere! Why didn’t you come back?” I ran over to Jess who looked very disheveled and once again very, very damp.  
“Jess, what happened?” I asked worriedly.  
“Oh Ade, it was horrible! I walked too far, and I got lost and then I saw this nice old lady with handbags and I stopped to talk—and I—oh Ade! I’m sorry. It’s New York all over again! Ugh, I’m sorry! This nice cab driver saw me on the curb and picked me up and said we could drive around until I found myself again and then I saw you through the window! Are you okay? I’m so sorry!” She was breathless.  
I hugged my poor friend, who was now shivering.  
“It’s alright Jessie, don’t worry. Go get back in the cab, I’ll be there in two seconds. We’ll head back to the hotel and we’ll sort the rest out. Don’t you worry. Let’s just get back before you catch pneumonia.” I rubbed her shoulders and smiled.  
Someone cleared their throat behind me, and I turned to look at the kind man.  
“Is she alright?” he asked with a worried look.  
“Yeah, she’ll be okay. We’re just going to head back now. You’ll be okay, right Jessa?” I said turning back to her.  
Jessa looked shocked.  
“Jess? You…okay? Head back to the cab okay Jess? I’ll be two seconds. I’ll just pay my tea and I’ll go.”  
Jess nodded and smiled lightly at the man. Poor girl, she must be frozen solid. Jess turned towards the cab and I turned towards the man.  
“Thank you so much, really. It was very nice talking to you. You’ve been very kind. And once again, I’m very sorry for your eye! I hope you’ll forgive me,” I said turning to the bar, looking for some change to pay for the tea.  
Damn. No money. Damn.  
The man seemed to notice.  
“Don’t worry about the drinks, I’ve got them. I told you they were on me. And don’t worry about it, I hope your evenings in London turn out better than the one you’ve had tonight.” He smiled and I smiled back.  
“And, it was very lovely to speak to you. And like I was about to say, if you need any company around London. I’d be glad to help.” He smiled softly.  
How odd. Who does that?  
A horn sounded outside, Jess was motioning for me to hurry.  
“Sorry, I’ve got to go! But thank you! And I might take you up on that offer!” I said to him as I walked out the door.  
“But you don’t even know my name! Or I yours!” he exclaimed.  
“Adaline!” I said practically outside.  
“I’m Ben!” he shouted as the door closed. I got into the cab with a shivering Jess.  
“The Hilton London Olympia please,” I said to the driver and turned to Jess, who still looked stunned.  
“Jessa, are you okay?” I glanced her over, for signs of trauma.  
“Ad-Ad-Ad-,” she stuttered, “Ade, d-do you know wh-who tha-t-t was?” she stared at me, eyes wide.  
“What? The guy? I don’t know? Some guy? He said his name was Ben I think. What is it? Are you okay?” I was really worried now.  
“Adaline, th-that was Ben-Ben-Benedict Cumb-Cumberbatch.” She stared still.  
“Who?”


	2. Chasing Pavements

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Delivered as promised!
> 
> Third Chapter is in the works, should be up very soon !
> 
> Comment any comments/questions/ concerns ! 
> 
> Thank you once again for reading ! :)

On our way back to the hotel Jess did her best to talk and enlighten me, and I ensured that she did not speak in fear that she’d bite her tongue off in between chattering teeth.

Once we’d sorted out the cab and the stolen cash, we headed up to our rooms. Jess shivering only got worse and I began to think something really wasn’t right.

“Maybe I should ask the hotel to call a doctor, I mean we’ve got travellers insurance if anything. I don’t even know how the health care system works in England.” I said worriedly.

“I- I- I-“ Jess tried but looked defeated.

“I know Jessa, I think it’s best if I call.”

 

_____________________________________________________________________________

 

Once the doctor arrived, he looked at poor Jess, covered in sweat and shivering. Coughing between breaths and looking very, very pale.

The doctor placed a stethoscope to each lung and looked disheartened.

“It-It-It’s bad. R-Right?” Jess stuttered.

“My darling, I’m afraid it looks like pneumonia” responded the nice doctor.

“Da-da-damn it.”

He turned to me and said “Miss Adeline, is it? I think it is best if we bring her to the hospital. We must find out if the illness is bacterial or viral and recommend appropriate treatment.”

“Alright, let me get my things.”

And I did.

________________________________________________________________________________

 

“Hi! Linda? Hi, oh, I’m sorry, terrible signal here. But I brought Jessa to Saint Charles’ Hospital. Yes- she’s okay. Viral-Yes, Viral Pneumonia. No, they can’t give her antibiotics. Yes, they’re going to keep her for a few days and then see how it goes. Yes, I’ll let you know. Rest assured, your daughter is in good hands. Okay Linda, alright, yes, okay, okay, okay, yes, alright, goodbye.”

I hung up the call with Jessa’s mom and took a deep sigh. That woman was always a mile a minute, a word per second. She had been calling non-stop since I told her Jess was sick. Although understandably, it was a lot to be dealing with.

The attending physician, Doctor McAllister had been very kind in taking care of Jess and even let me in to see her, even though visiting hours were long over.

I entered her room, where Jess was laying on a white hospital bed looking dreadful. She spotted me and said “I promise, it looks worse than it feels Ade. I’m sorry I put us through all this. You missed the Gallery, and now it looks like we’re going to miss the play this Friday too.  I really didn’t mean to ruin this trip.”

I took her closest hand and grasped it firmly. “Jess, you know that above all your health comes first. We would be able to do nothing at all if you ended up dead or something,” to which Jess stuck out her tongue and played dead, “and besides, I’ll probably just go house shopping and visit the Gallery alone. I mean let’s be honest, I know you wouldn’t want to stand for 3 hours looking at pictures made by dead guys.”

She smiled, “Yeah, but I would have pretended to be completely perplexed and in awe of such art. For you, of course.”

“If anything, I’ll go looking for a flat and bring you back my findings when I come to visit.” I said.

“Hahaha, FLAT, look at you. All converted already? Should I call you my mate? Should we go for a cuppa? Actually, now that I’m thinking about tea…” Jess said with a suspicious look.

“Oh no, not again. Jess! Seriously! You’re lying in a hospital bed, with pneumonia, in Europe and you are concerned about my love life? Seriously, I just bumped into the guy, he was nice. I had no clue who he was!” I exclaimed.

“This is what you get for not watching Sherlock with me. I told you he was a total heartthrob. If that had been me, I wouldn’t have hesitated to give him my entire life story with every single phone number I could ever be reached at.” Jessa said with a mischievous smile.

“Yes, and so maybe it’s a good thing that it was me and not you. Otherwise, I fear the man would have started running as soon as he could have. Either way Jessa, he doesn’t have my _number_ , he doesn’t have my _hotel,_ or my address or _anything_. Only my first name, and somehow I think it’s gonna be a little difficult for him to come and find me if he decides to.”

“I am telling you Adeline, it is a perfect love story and I will bet my infected right lung that he thought you were something. Something good.” She winked.

A voice came from the hall, “Miss Birmingham? I’m afraid that’s all the time I can give you.” The voice belonged to Doctor McAllister who was peeking through the door and smiling kindly at us.

“Right! Sorry, okay.” I turned to Jess. “I love you Jess, don’t die if I’m not here, that would be terribly inconvenient.” I smiled and hugged her softly.

“Yeah, yeah, I wouldn’t want to inconvenience your schedule once more. Go have some fun or something. Keep me updated.”

And with that, I left the room and spoke to Dr. McAllister outside her room.

“So, Miss Birmingham-“he began.

“You can call me Ada. Honestly, it just feels too formal to be Miss Birmingham.” I smiled.

“Right, Ada then. Ada, we’re going to be monitoring her every few hours. She should be okay and make a relatively quick recovery but we’re probably going to keep her for at least 3 days. Just to ensure everything goes well.” He smiled warmly at me.

He was very handsome. Like Jessa, a little young-looking to be a doctor, but they both radiated that kindness that made you feel like you could put your life in their hands and you’d be safe.

 _Damn,_ there I go again. Years of schooling on humans, personality and culture and all it does is help me overanalyze hot doctors. Oh well, the accent was cute.

I smiled, both at my inner thoughts and at him. “Thank you so much, I’ll be sure to visit. I think I left my number with the nurse at the front, so please have them call me if anything goes wrong.”

“Of course. Excuse my overstepping, but did I hear that it is just the two of you ladies here in London?”

“Yes, we know a few people here and there from school but we came together.” I responded.

“Well, I really don’t mean to be too forward, but if you find yourself in need of company… What I mean to say is, I’m free of evening rotations for the next couple days so if you’d like, we could go out for a night. If you’d like that is.” He blushed lightly and looked down.

I hate to sound like a crazed teenage girl, but oooh, I _love_ the British.

Suppressing a squeal, I looked at him and smiled, “That’s so kind, doctor. I’m really not sure what my plans will entail for the next few days but that sounds like a great offer.”

He looked up and looked briefly relieved, “Right! Okay then, here is my mobile number, I almost always answer, if not leave a message. I’ll ring you right back.” He said taking out his prescription pad and jotting down his number. I took it from him smiling lightly, said thank you and went on my way back to the hotel.

 ________________________________________________________________________________

When I arrived, I headed towards reception to see if anyone had left messages regarding Jess. As I approached, I saw a few of the concierge staff whisper to each other but I thought nothing of it.

“Hi, uhm, anything for room 946?”

The girl behind the counter looked at me sheepishly, “No ma’am, but there was something left for you.” She pulled out my destroyed umbrella.

I was very confused, how had this gotten here? No way—

“A man- he, uhm, dropped it off for you. With this envelope. He- uhm, said his name was Ben.” She looked at me curiously behind a set of very thick lashes, clearly she recognized him.

Ah. Ben. Huh. Well. How about _that._

I just sort of tapped my fingers, I could see the girl searching for some sort of explanation on my face. Sadly, seeing as I had less of a clue than anyone, I smiled curtly, grabbed the umbrella and the envelope, “Thanks. Let me know if anything else arrives. Calls or anything.”

She looked a bit disappointed but nodded and typed away at her computer.

_________________________________________________________________________________

 

Back at the room, I looked at the umbrella. It was in pieces, which made me wonder why anyone would bother to return it. Not only was it a very replaceable umbrella, but it was useless anyway. That left some questions, but the ones haunting me were

_How did he find me and why did he care?_

I’m sure that he had better things to do with his time. By what Jessa said, he was a very highly sought-after man. So why bother with a broken umbrella and me?

The envelope! Maybe it had some answers! I reached over to the bed and opened it eagerly.

_**“I thought I should return the murder weapon to the beautiful and mysterious Canadian murderer. I’d like to see you again if possible. Coffee?** _

**_Xo, Ben._ ”**

At the bottom was a phone number.

I stared and stared at the page until my eye stung from not blinking for so long.

A few minutes passed before I began to process all the information. A few things jumped out at me.

 _Beautiful, again, coffee, xo_.

I looked up at the reflection in the mirror on the wall in front of me.

I looked and saw nothing more than normal. I smiled at myself. I couldn’t help but be complimented by the word and by the fact that an apparently world-famous actor found me beautiful.

Then again, it could all be a trick. No?

I thought again about our meeting and some school training on the sincerity of people told me that he seemed truly nice and sincere. Who would have thought actors would be like that?

**Oh. OH. Oh.**

“Shit. Shit. Shit.”  I remembered my previous comments on actors. Of course I’d say that.

“I’d never date an actor, stupid Adaline! You’d date him! I mean look at him! AHHH!” I plopped onto the bed defeatedly.

I looked back at the card, unsure. Should I call? I looked at the time. 7:30. Would I be too eager if I called now? Would that look desperate? I thought about calling Jessa for some advice, but realized she would probably be resting and I didn’t want to disturb her.

7:32…

With each passing minute, the indecision grew.

I looked at the umbrella and saw a tag sticking out from inside the handle.

Ah, my name and the hotel address. So that’s how he found me. Leave it to Jess to go crazy with her labelmaker again. Well, at least that was one question answered.

7:35…

_Damn it Adaline._

7:40…

Okay. Now or never. I grabbed the phone and dialed. It rang twice before a deep voice answered on the other side.

“Hello?”

I was frozen. Damnit, speak!

“H-hi, uhm,” I cleared my throat.

“Is this Ada?” he said.

“Yes! Hi, uhm, Ben. I, uhm,  got your note. And the umbrella.” I laughed awkwardly.

“I can see that,” he chuckled.

“I just wanted to uhm, thank you. You really didn’t have to. It’s far beyond repair.” I said.

“I know, I just figured it’d be my only chance to speak to you again.”

Was he smiling on the other side? I _swore_  I could hear a smile.

“Haha, well, you found me!” I said. There was a silence.

“So-“

“So-“

We spoke again at the same time. This was becoming a habit.

“Sorry Ben, you go ahead.”

“Well, I just- Uhm, did you have time to think about my proposition? Also, how’s your friend? Jessa right?” he said.

What a sweetheart, he sounded so shy. This was all going to my head and I covered the mouthpiece to let out a big sigh.

“Yes! Turns out she caught pneumonia, she’s at St. Charles for a few days. They’re just keeping her for observation. So, I’ll be doing some house shopping and tourist-ing,” _is that even a word?_ “for the next couple of days to keep me busy.”

That didn’t really answer his question but the inexplicable excitement rushing through me made it hard to form coherent sentences.

“So, does that mean you’ll be free?” Ben asked me, sounding a little hopeful.

“Yes,” I smiled, even though he couldn’t see me.

“Great! So, coffee? I know this great little place near the river. It’s spectacular.” He gushed.

“Sure, what time?” I asked.

“Oh, uhm,” he sounded a little deflated, “actually, I’m a bit far from London now. What is it today, Wednesday? Yeah, it is. Okay, so I’ve got to be back in London for tomorrow night, so maybe then? I should be there by, say, 7?”

“Sure, anything is good.” I said lightly.

“Right, okay, so tomorrow at 7 it is.” Ben said.

“Right, see you then Ben.”

He gave me the address to the café and we ended the call.

I felt very very happy.

Very happy indeed.

__________________________________________________________________________________

 

Thursday morning was spent checking up on a sleeping Jessa (who was looking much better), and running some errands for our future employers. I had lunch in my room, while I browsed for apartments in central London. In Jessa’s mind location was a must, it was everything.

After seeing a few places and taking plenty of pictures, I headed back to the hotel for a quick hello before visiting hours were over. I caught up Jessa on all the happenings of the previous night.

“I like these three flats and oh my god, what are you going to do?” she looked at me bright eyed.

“I’m going to go back and get ready, because what is travelling without a little adventure?” I smiled.

“That’s my girl, go! I’ll stay here and die alone of bedsores and pneumonia. Maybe some cute doctor will hit on me too.”

 _________________________________________________________________________________

 

Back in the hotel, I sat on my bed with several outfits laying on Jessa’s bed.

I knew it was just coffee. But it was coffee with a good looking, probably well-dressed man.

I wondered if he would be famous enough to have people follow?

Did those things _really_ happen?

I decided to put it off and put some clothes on.

I opted for an emerald green skirt, a white blouse and a black leather jacket worn with simple ballet flats. My hair was loosely curled and it fell softly on the side of my shoulders. At some point while getting ready, I realized how long it had been since I’d been on a date.

Sure, a few outings here and there with guy friends, I could call them dates if I really wanted to but nothing ever happened afterwards and I continued in my single life.

It was fun to get dressed up, to put on make-up and to feel this sort of confident. My usual self was far more comfortable in pajamas and make-up free. But this was a nice change.

I checked to make sure everything was ready and I called the cab.

 

 

I had given the taxi driver the address and we had some small chit-chat about the beauty of London at this time.

I looked through the window and smiled to myself, gathering the importance of this moment in my life. I was an accomplished woman, with a career I was in love with, with friends and family whom cared for me as I did for them, I was finally visiting somewhere that had been on my bucket list since I knew what a bucket list was. And finally, I was going on a date. It didn’t necessarily matter that it was a date, and to be quite honest, it didn’t really matter who with. Ben, or Benedict, I guess, seemed like a nice enough man.

He had definitely shown some initiative by contacting me, he wasn’t afraid and that was a nice quality to have. He was easy on the eyes, and conversation with him seemed to go well.

I had to stop myself before I began another in depth analysis. I’d just have to wait and see how tonight went.

I walked up to the café, a small place, but with a beautiful window right in front. I looked at my watch, _6:50_. A little early, but that’s okay.

I sat down in front of the window, which faced the river. It was starting to darken a bit.  I could see the sun beginning to lower over me. I decided to give Benedict a text to let him know I had arrived.

Once again, I became immersed in my mind. This time, thinking about what I’d be doing at my new job, what colour to paint my room in the flat. If I should dye my hair or not. Little things. I heard the door of the café ring and I looked up, only to see an elderly couple coming in.

The sun was much lower now. What was the time? _7:30_. Wow, that’s strange. Have I really been sitting here all this time? Then I remembered I was waiting for someone. I checked my messages, nothing. Maybe he was lost? No, he gave me the address, obviously he knows where it is.

I decided to wait 20 more minutes and texted Benedict once again, telling him that I was in the front of the café. My stomach began to rumble and I decided to get a tea and a cookie.

I found a newspaper and caught myself up on the news of the world. Lost once again, I was only brought out of my little world once I realized that I couldn’t see the paper anymore because there was no more light coming through the window.

Maybe it was just a quick sunset. _8:20._ Guess not.

I guess Benedict wasn’t showing up either. Maybe he’d changed his mind. Ignoring the pang of disappointment in my stomach, I looked at my phone.

Well, I was already dressed.

I dialed and the phone rang three times before the voice answered.

“Hello?”

 


	3. Smiling in the Spotlight Dancing with the Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter just flew out of me.
> 
> Please, pretty please, let me know what you guys think !
> 
> It helps the process!
> 
> Thanks, again.  
> Xo.

I realized I didn't know his name.

“Yes, uhm. Doctor McAllister?” I asked, hopeful.

“Ada?” he seemed to be shouting over some background noise.

“Yes, it’s Ada. Can you hear me?”

“Yeah, give me two seconds, I’m just-,” the noise subsided, “there. Hello Ada! How are you tonight?”

“Hi Doctor McAllister-“I began.

“Steven, Ada. You can call me Steven.” He chuckled.

“Haha, okay. Steven, I was just calling to see if you were busy tonight but by the sounds of it you are. So, never mind. Sorry for bugging ya”

_Damn, there goes that._

“What? No! Not at all! Listen, Ada, I’m at this club called the Sphinx, a bunch of mates from school and I are meeting up tonight. A few of them brought their girlfriends, I’m sure you’d be more than welcome. Why don’t you come over? See how it goes?”

I pondered for a moment. A few drinks _would_ be nice, and some dancing. Something to make sure I don’t overthink the whole getting-stood-up-by-a-famous-actor thing.

“Actually, that sounds great Steven. Where is it?”

 _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

I walked up to the steps of the nightclub, a few people stood outside in a line, waiting to get in.

I texted Steven, he said he’d meet me at the door.

The place looked really nice, the kind of place you’d expect there to be in such a chic part of London.

“Ada, over here!” a voice beckoned. I turned towards it and saw Steven. He wore a casual light gray suit and a white button down. As I walked over to him he unbuttoned the top button of his shirt.

“Hot in there?” I asked.

“You wouldn’t believe. Also, the boys and I have been doing shots of tequila to celebrate and I’m afraid my liver isn’t coping quite well. I’m not as good as I was back in my school days.”

I looked at him and smiled, a few beads of sweat glistened at the top of his forehead. I looked at his eyes, a brilliant emerald green that almost matched my skirt. I realized I hadn’t really looked before.

We walked inside and he guided me towards the tables he had with his friends. There were two booths in a closed off corner of the place, champagne bottles on ice buckets sitting on the tables.

I raised an eyebrow towards Steven. I hadn’t realized it was such an important occasion.

“V.I.P, yeah I know. Sorry Ada, it’s really not a big deal. It’s just that there’s so many of us, we had to book a room. I promise I’m not famous or anything.”

I smiled and laughed a little more than I should.

He introduced me to his friends. Thomas, who was a lawyer, and his girlfriend Amy. Duke, from what I gathered, the psychologist and his sister Eva. Three other men, whom I understood to be Daniel, Sam, and George. The last three seemed to work with Steven, but they had all shared their schoolboy days with each other.

Steven offered to get me something to drink and I went up with him to the bar.

“You didn’t tell me they were all fancy people! Lawyers, doctors, psychologists!” I joked as I ordered a Jack and Ginger.

“Two, please. And I have no idea what you mean, as far as I see, every single one of this blokes is a total boozehead and nothing else. Chugging back shots like we’re 20 again. These men… Oh Ada, if you knew!” He smiled at me and placed his hand on my back. It felt nice.

We walked back to the table and Thomas spoke up.

“Still not here mate! I’m starting to think he’s not going to show!” he said shaking his head.

Steven shook his head lightly, “I’m telling you mate, he’s just late picking Liz up. I told you he said he had a date before this!”

Thomas chucked back another shot. “I’m saying it now, the man is not gonna show. He’s too big now!”

I looked up at Steven quizzically.

“Don’t worry about it. Another one of the boys hasn’t arrived and Thomas is a little drunk.”

I sat for some time sipping at my drink and talking to Amy and Eva. We spoke careers and boys.

“So Ada, how did you meet Steven?” Amy asked.

“Actually, he was the attending for my best friend. She caught pneumonia the other day.” I said finishing the last of my drink.

“Lucky,” said Eva, “before I met my fiancé, I had the biggest crush on him. I remember he used to come around to play Rugby with Duke, and I would just sit outside and watch them. He’s a catch. But then again so is Ryan.” She finished with a smile.

“Eva’s fiancé Ryan is in France for work. He’s a big advert firm partner.” Amy clarified.

Eva piped up, “we’re getting married this coming July. Scotland. Very exciting.” 

“Oh congratulations Eva! I’m so happy when I hear of people having happy love lives!” I said smiling at them sincerely.

“You say it as if yours isn’t sweetie?” Amy looked concerned.

“Oh, I’m not complaining. I mean I wouldn’t call this thing with Steven anything. This is the first time we’ve ever seen each other outside the hospital. He was kind enough to invite me here. Otherwise I’d be all dressed up by myself in a hotel room.” I said with a bit of a sigh looking at Steven.

“Why is that?” asked Eva.

“I was supposed to meet up with this guy I met a few days ago. We met by chance in a café, he made the first move, and found me and even made the plans for tonight. I showed up at the place we were supposed to meet, he didn’t.” I looked down. Damn. It was starting to get to me.

“What a right arse.”

“Pig.”

I laughed, “yeah, the worst part is, he seemed truly interested. Could have all just been an act though.”

“Well, no sense getting hung up on a boy who can’t even keep a date,” said Eva pouring us each two tequila shots, “let’s drink and dance and forget him.”

“Besides Ada, I think there is a certain doctor eyeing for a dance…” said Amy.

I looked up to see Steven looking at me with a smile. He motioned to the dancefloor and then pointing to me and then to himself.

I smiled, gathered myself, drank back the two shots and an extra for good luck and got up.

 

 

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

We’d been dancing for what felt like hours. In a way, I didn’t want it to end. Steven had been impressing. Funny with his dance moves, but still managing to look delicious.

The drinks began to reach my head and I felt a little warm, I motioned that I was gonna get some water and passed Steven off to Eva.

At the bar, I fought through several overly intoxicated teen girls and asked for two iced waters. This thirst was unquenchable. That was when I heard it.

“Two Jack doubles, please. And a bottle of tequila to the V.I.P table.”

At first I thought I’d misheard, but when I turned to face the sound, I bumped into a very bony elbow.

“Ow!” I yelled a little louder than I should have and rubbed at my now tearing eye.

“Oh, damn, I’m sorry! I’m so-Ada?” said the deep voice.

I looked up through my good eye and there he was. 6 foot devil.

“Ben?” I said incredulously.

“Oh, Ada. I’m sor-“

“No.” I looked him in the eye firmly, grabbed my drinks and walked past him.

I walked back to the table, where Amy sat checking her phone. She saw me walk up and looked.

“Ada? What’s wrong? Is everything oka-“ she looked past me, “oh! Ben! You’re here! Finally!”

I whirled around so fast I swore it could have caused whiplash.

“You KNOW him?” I said wide eyed.

“Yeah! Ada, this is Ben! This is who we were waiting for!” She patted his chest and gave him a hug. “Right about time, Tommy has been on about it all night! Where’s Liz? How was the date?” she said nudging him with a smile.

I could only stare in horror.

“Hi Ames, yeah. Bit of a long story. Mind if I sit?” he said looking down.

Well it wasn’t with me, I’m sure of that.

And Liz?

WHO WOULD PLAN TWO DATES ON THE SAME NIGHT AND THEN GO OUT WITH HIS FRIENDS. LIKE WHAT IF THE DATE RAN LATE.

Screaming inside my head some very incoherent thoughts, I followed my gaze. He sat on the couch, refusing to make eye contact.

 “Well?” Amy prodded.

“I-uhm, well…” he looked up at me and that was enough.

I turned right around and left.

Searching for Steven in the crowd, I spotted him to the back of the crowd. Near the bar talking to Thomas.

“Steve, I got you some water too!” I smiled a little too widely.

“Oh thank you sweetheart!” He placed a light kiss on my cheek as I handed him the water and I couldn’t help but smile.

It was nice.

“Oh no! It’s begun! He’s smitten Ada, I can see it!” Thomas slurred.

I looked up at Steven who pretended to look above me, he couldn’t help but let his smile show.

“It’s been a wonderful night Steven. Thank you for inviting me.” I said earnestly. Placing my hand on his chest.

And it was true, it _HAD_ been a wonderful night.

Ah, that reminded me.

“Tom, your friend, I think he’s arrived?” I said a little more dryly than I should have.

“Oh, the right git!” Thomas looked at his watch, “the time! I bet he’s been with Liz all night again! A shot to ease my annoyance. Whadda say Ada? Steven?”

He couldn’t have asked sooner. My stomach already beginning to ache. We drank back three shots. I an extra fourth.

“Whew! Ada! Who would have known! What a drinker.” Thomas smiled sloppily and Steven looked at me, slightly impressed. I smiled a little, knowing that it was necessary.

Thomas led us back to the table, Steven with his hand behind my waist. Comfortably low on my spine.

Luckily, Thomas’ greeting to Ben took all his attention and I slipped to the furthest side of the booth that I could. As far away from Benedict as I could.

Steven excused himself to say hello and I smiled lamely. I decided to check my phone and couldn’t resist.

_Message:_

_To: Jess_

_From: Me_

_“Dammnit Jessa, you are going to flip out. Tonight was a strange disaster. Grade 12 prom all over again. I’ll tell you in the morning. If I’m not too hungover.”_

 

I pressed send just as Steven arrived. He brought a bottle of water over to me.

“Everything alright Ada? You seem upset.” He looked worried. He sat down and pressed the back of his hand softly to my forehead. He passed me the water.

“Thanks, I must just be a little warm. But I’m fine.” I knew that it was not the temperature.

His hand moved to hold my face softly. The gesture felt very kind, I looked up at him and his eyes caught me once more by surprise. Shining despite the lack of light in the place.

“I know I keep saying this Steven, but I’m truly glad you invited me. You’ve been fantastic company.” I confessed.

He let his hand down softly and placed it on his leg. He looked down at it, “In all honestly Adaline, I was really anxious in wait for your call. I thought you wouldn’t call at all. I thought perhaps I’d been too forward and scared you off. I thought you were brilliant when I saw you. And I knew you were when spoke to you.”

What a cute British, bumbling fool.

I placed a light kiss on his cheek. He looked up incredulously. His eyes caught mine as I backed away and he held me there. He looked down at my lips then back at my eyes. I at his.

He grabbed my cheek softly and brought me towards him. He placed a soft kiss on my lips. His lips felt soft, he felt warm. He opened lightly and I tasted tequila on his lips. I ran my tongue softly over his lips, earning a soft moan from Steven. I smiled and leaned back.

Steven looked perplexed.

“You taste like magic _feels_ Ada.”

I giggled and then I heard one of my all-time favourite songs and I just had to get up and dance. I grabbed Steven’s hand and rushed past Ben to the dance floor.

  
_She take my money when I'm in need_  
 _Yeah she's a trifling friend indeed_  
 _Oh she's a gold digger way over town_  
 _That digs on me_  
  
 _Now I ain't sayin' she a gold digger_  
 _But she ain't messin' with no broke niggas_  
 _Now I ain't sayin' she a gold digger_  
 _But she ain't messin' with no broke niggas_  
 _Get down girl go head get down (I gotta leave)_  
 _Get down girl go head get down (I gotta leave)_  
 _Get down girl go head get down (I gotta leave)_  
 _Get down girl gone head_  
_____________________________________________________________________________________

I couldn’t stop the giggles as the song ended, Steven and I both in a fit.

“I didn’t know you we’re such a hardcore gangsta Ada!” Steven said, clutching at his sides.

“I know, I know, I’m full of mystery! I’m a mysterious Canadi-“

“Canadian murderer.” Chuckled a deep voice behind me.

I was getting _real_ tired of that.

“Ben! Have you met Ada? She’s a laugh!” said Steven coming up and grabbing my waist behind me.

“Hahah, yes! I was actually wondering if I could have her for a dance? Give you a break mate.” Ben smiled.

I looked up at Steven, who still smiling nodded and said he’d go sit for a bit.

I was left standing in front of Benedict. Suddenly, the DJ, who had been playing nothing but dance songs all night, decided to play a slow song.

I looked up at Benedict and crossed my arms. He raised an eyebrow and grabbed my waist. Suppressing the urge to back away, I simply stayed still.

“What do you want Benedict?”

He dropped his hands.

“I’m sorry Adaline. I meant to explain, I really did, but I haven’t seen you much all night and I-“ he began.

Too bad for him I just wasn’t having it.

“No, no Ben. Not even an explanation, an apology would have been nice. But you know what I got? Nothing.”

“I’m sorry, Ada. It’s a bit of a long story. I really didn’t mean to stand you up. I got really busy and-“

“Not busy enough to still go on a date and then a club after. Wow, I wish I was that busy.” Sarcasm was _oozing_ in my veins. Normally, I would never be this vicious, but the tequila heated my blood and all of a sudden I was seeing red.

I made no scene, no fuss, I simply stared at him.

He did nothing but stare back.

“I think that’s answer enough. Goodbye Benedict. It was terrible knowing you.” I said coldly as I walked away.

I quickly walked back to the table, where luckily, everyone was also gathering their things. Perfect.

I was grabbing my jacket and purse when Steven popped up behind me.

“Everything alright love?” So sweet. I liked Steven.

Who was Benedict again?

I scoffed.

Steven looked confused. “Oh, yes, sorry. I’m okay, just grabbing my stuff. Where are we headed, _love_ ” I said with a smile to let Steven know I wasn’t mad at him.

The group walked outside the Sphinx, where I could feel Benedict’s gaze on my back. I stumbled a little on my way out and Steven caught me.

He kept his hand on my back and I swore I felt Benedict’s stare intensify. _Good_.

We all stood in a circle off to the side of the entrance. I said my goodbyes to everyone, promising to see them soon when Amy invited me to Eva’s bachelorette.

“It’ll be so much fun! You call them bachelorette’s in Canada right?  I tried to sound all Canadian-like” Amy giggled.

“Yes, Ada! You must! Bring along your friend too! It’s in two weeks, Amy’ll let you know all the details!”

We exchanged numbers and everyone popped into a cab, leaving Benedict, Steven and I standing at the curb.

I stood quietly looking at the pavement.

“Ben, you all set mate?” asked Steven.

“Yes, Steve, let’s catch this one?” said Benedict motioning over a cab. I jerked up to look at Steven questioningly.

“He’s staying with me tonight love, his house is being remodelled. Overflowing tub was it? Liz ‘gain?” Steven chuckled. I couldn’t bear to face Benedict, in fear that I’d punch someone. Mainly him.

“Uhm, yeah. Listen, Steve, it’s fine, I’ll catch a cab there on my own. You can go on and bring her home.”

_Did he just call me her? I have a name you know. It might be hard to remember over all the other girls you invite on dates and ditch, but I have one._

My thoughts were becoming all the more angry, not good, not good.

“Nonsense Ben, I’ll drop you off and then I’ll continue on to drop Ada off, make sure she gets home okay.”

_See? HE knows my name._

We got in the cab, I sat smooshed between Benedict and Steven. Steven held my hand and looked out the window. Through the rear-view mirror I could see Benedict looking at my hands.

He leaned into my ear and I sat completely still.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered.

“Don’t.” I whispered back.

“Did you say something love?” Steven turned to me.

Damn. “I, uhm, said D’oh! I forgot that I have to visit Jess tomorrow. Shouldn’t have drank so much. I’m gonna have a nasty hangover tomorrow!” I laughed awkwardly.

“Oh darling,” Steven stroked my cheek, “maybe it was the tequila?” he smiled.

“Never.” I winked at him.

Benedict cleared his throat.

“I, uhm, isn’t this the street Steve?” he said.

“Right, yes.”

We stopped, Benedict and Steven got out. Steven let him in and they exchanged some words outside the door. I couldn’t really make out what they said.

Steven came back, and we headed back towards the hotel.

He brought me up to the lobby, kissed my hand like a gentleman and said goodbye.

I began to walk away when I heard my name.

“I can’t not kiss you once more. I’m sorry I’m so selfish.” He kissed me softly, but with conviction. I returned the kiss happily and dotted its end with two soft kisses.

“Goodnight love.” He smiled at me sweetly.

“Goodnight Steven.”

**I was smitten.**


	4. He Won't Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the next one as promised !  
> Next one should be up tomorrow night!

In the morning, I awoke with a knock at the door.

“Miss Brimingham, it’s from the front desk. Special delivery.”

_Special delivery? I hadn’t ordered anything, had I?_

I was pretty buzzed when I came home last night but not that buzzed…

There was another knock.

“Miss?”

“Coming!” I said, still beneath the covers.

I peeked out.

**_AH! AH! AH! SUNLIGHT! NO! BAD!_ **

Up we go.

One two –

My head spun and I had to steady myself with the wall. “Yes, sorry, I’m coming!”

I looked in the mirror on my way to the door. I was a fright.

I opened the door and there stood a young man, holding a tray with what looked to be a breakfast possibly cooked by angels and a bouquet of lilies.

I looked at him, puzzled.

“There was a call from a man this morning, said this must be delivered to your room this morning ma’am. Where should I place it ma’am?” he said excitedly.

I pointed towards the table beside my bed.

“Right then, let me get the bag.” He said exiting the room briefly.

I followed him, “the bag?”

He picked up a small black gift bag, white paper coming out from within it.

I received it and he looked at me, smiling.

Oh, tip! _Right._

I went to my wallet and grabbed the closest bill.  He looked sincerely thankful. Maybe it was a lot?

“Oh thank you ma’am. This is very generous. But the man had already given a plentiful tip.” He smiled even bigger.

“What man? Did he leave a name? A note?” I inquired.

“No ma’am, he phoned the hotel. Said we must meet these to the letter and then paid us and hung up. Quite strange.”

“Indeed. Well, thank you very much. Have a nice day!” I said to him.

“You as well ma’am, feel better!”

Maybe I looked just as frightful to other people.

 

 

I went back to the table and looked at the food for a total of two seconds before completely devouring it. It was delicious.

Sitting back on the table, I noted the package of paracetamol on the tray. This was like British acetaminophen right? I took back two and sat for a few minutes.

Alright, I guess it was time to see who the breakfast angel was. I looked at the flowers, lilies, what a strange choice.

_Doesn’t everyone send roses now?_ They were beautiful regardless.

No card. Maybe the bag? I reached over to the table.

I opened the neat little bag, and inside found a shirt with the union jack on it. AH! Maybe it was from Jessa?

I looked inside the bag again, there was a small envelope. I snatched it and opened it quickly.

_“You looked beautiful last night. I hope to see you once more._

_Feel better._

_x.”_

 

_**THIS DOESN’T HELP ONE BIT.** _

I looked at the card and flipped it over three times, looking for more clues. Nothing. After a thorough search of everything, I was exhausted. No clues.

Defeated, I looked at my phone 11:30. Alright, didn’t waste my day yet.

Visiting hours were until 4 today, I had plenty of time to go and see Jessa, and hopefully she’d have some clues.

I looked in the mirror and thought about a shower.

“No, Adaline, this much damage requires a bath.” I said, to no one in particular.

 

 

I went inside the bathroom, looking at the basket of bath products that had been a welcome gift from the hotel.

I spotted a bright orange ball, about the size of my first with a tag reading “Fizzy Citrus Bath Bubble Bomb”. That sounds amazing.

I started filling the tub while I went to get some warm water to make tea.

I looked at the shirt on the bed. Maybe it was from Steven. I seriously doubted Benedict would be so incredulous as to still try. Mostly to send a gift?

I’d wear it to the hospital today, if he recognized it, there was an answer.

_Aha, hungover but still clever. Way to go me_.

 

I entered the tub, where the strong citrus smell settled my head and calmed down my tense body. Realizing now that my body ached from last night, I began to think.

Last night was something. How unexpected, to say the least. The anger I’d felt when I’d seen Benedict there, the pang of rejection, the sadness and annoyance, it all started to come back. I took a deep breath and gathered myself.

“Okay, so what do I know?” I said, sometimes speaking aloud to myself helped me work things out.

“I know that he invited me on a date, I know that he didn’t show up, I know that he had another date last night, I know that he was with a woman named Liz.”

_Liz. Right, Liz._

I tried thinking back to last night, despite a hazy memory I didn’t actually remember seeing any other girls with the group other than Amy and Eva. But then again, I wasn’t there too much most of the night.

“Right, so, I know that. I think. I know that Benedict is staying with Steven, because of Liz? Who is this Liz? What kind of name is Liz? I bet she’s blonde, she sounds blonde.” I began to sound like a bratty twelve-year old. _Get a grip Ada_.

Deep breath.

“I know that Benedict said sorry. Far too late and far too quietly, but he _did_ say it.”

In the cab, with Steven, I was sure.

_Steven. Steven, Steven, Steven. Oh, Steven_.

I thought back to him and last night, his brilliant green eyes filling my mind. His smile bringing a smile to my lips.

“I know that Steven is a delightful man, one I’d like to see again. Maybe kiss again.”

Thinking of him made me feel light, I could feel my tummy bubbling away, I could feel my heart beating just a little faster and I let out a sigh and smiled.

“Steven is good. Very good.”

But for some reason, Benedict's smile flashed before my eyes.

_______________________________________________________________________

 

“Knock knock” I said as I made my way into Jessa’s room. She turned to me with a smile.

“Ade! How was it! You don’t look so bad, you feeling okay?” She smiled.

“Wow, thanks, I don’t look so bad? I did what I could, tequila does things to me, I swear.” I deflected.

She squinted at me, “How was it Adaline…”

I sighed as I brought a chair to her bedside. I explained everything, with as much detail as I could.

“Wow. Really?” she said incredulously.

“Yes, really. I know. I was thinking about it this morning, I couldn’t quite believe it either.”

“So, what are you gonna do?” she asked.

“What do you mean? Nothing. There’s nothing to do. I’m not going to waste my time with a man who has some on the side, lies and then barely apologizes.” I crossed my arms defiantly.

“I know Ade, but, you have to do something. Clearly, there is a large part of the story here is missing, maybe letting him explain would be a good idea. Even if everything he says turns out to be what you thought it was, at least you know the truth and you gave him a chance to speak.”

I let down my arms and Jess grabbed one of my hands. “You know that it’s what you should do Ade, the man could be many things, but from everything I’ve seen, he doesn’t seem like the type of guy you’re describing.”

“Jess, you can’t decide people’s character based on tabloid reports. I know that it’s probably a good idea, but if he doesn’t approach me, then there is nothing to be done. The signs are clear enough.”

“I know Ade, but if he does? What if it’s nothing like what you thought it was? Would that change things?” She looked at me.

“In what way?” I asked.

“If he turns out to be the nice guy you thought he was in the first place, would that change this? How you feel?”

“I really like Steven, Jess. He’s the right kind of guy. Even if I felt anything towards Benedict, what good would come from it? A couple months of dating, one of us can’t deal with it anymore, we break up, it’s public and I become “that girl that used to date Benedict Cumberbatch”. I don’t think I'd want that for myself…” I couldn’t meet her gaze, I knew she’d be sad to hear me talking like I’d given up on everything already.

“I know you like Steven,” Jess responded, “but that’s not the issue. I think the fact that you’ve already thought out a life with Ben says a lot…”

I scoffed, “Just because I considered the probability doesn’t mean I want it to happen Jess. If a relationship with Steven is anything like what last night was, then I could definitely see that in my future. He’s so kind. I need kind, not asshole-y.”

Jess laughed at my choice of words.

“Let’s just see what happens Ade, no sense saying never will I ever, not yet.”

A knock sounded at the door, a nurse peeked through.

“Hello ladies, sorry, but I’m going to have to ask your visitor to leave. We’re going to have a check-up now. You’re welcome to come back in about a half hour, if you’d like.”

I looked at Jess, “I’ll bring us back some tea.”

“Don’t foh-get tha crumpets dahling!” Jess joked in a terrible accent.

 

________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

At the cash register, tea and sandwhiches in hand I realized I had forgotten my wallet.

“Damn, sorry,” I said apologetically to the girl across the counter, “I guess I’ll have to come back for these.”

“Ada? Ada!” a male voice called out to me.

Men needed to _not_ do that anymore.

I turned and saw Steven, breathing a sigh of relief.

“Trouble paying?” He asked.

“Yes, one night of partying and I’ve spent all my money.” I laughed.

“Let me get it love.” He passed the money to the girl and I grabbed my things.

“Thank you Steve, that was very nice of you.” I smiled.

“Anything for you, of course.” He winked. “So, I’m guessing you’re here for Jess and those teas aren’t for us?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Haha, sorry. They are. But how come you’re here? I thought you weren’t working today?” I asked.

“Yeah, I wasn’t supposed to, but one of the guys from last night was much too ill to come in, so I took his shift. I’m here till 11 tonight.”

I looked at him with a sympathetic smile, “Oh, jeez. I’m sorry to hear, that’s gotta be a tough one, did you manage okay last night? Have a good breakfast this morning…?”

I dropped the hint lightly, but nothing registered on his face. Crap.

“Yeah, I did. Thanks, love. And it’s alright, at least I’ve got the rest of the weekend off, I’m looking forward to it.” He smiled at me.

“I love weekends, the best out of the seven days of the week are those two!” I said lamely.

Steven laughed heartily, _whew_.

“Canadian humour is something else. So what are your plans for the rest of today darling?”

I smiled at the fact he called me darling, I was really liking Steven.

“Oh well, I thought I’d maybe go out and see some more apartments. Try and get that sorted, and maybe-“

“Sorry to cut you off love, but is that Ben? He must be here with Liz.” Steven looked over my head and waved.

_Oh no._

_Oh no._

_No no no no no no no._

_Drunk was one thing but I wasn’t sure I could do this sober._

_Should I turn around? Crap._

_No no no._

Steven walked around me and went to say hi. I kept my back turned and spotted a few meters from me the sugar and napkins.

_Aha! My saviours!_

I walked towards it and started pouring sugar into our teas, very slowly, a little too carefully.

I felt a hand on my back.

Don’t. move. 

Steven was beside me. I breathed out lightly.

“Love, why didn’t you come say hi? Ben’s just right over there!” Steven grabbed the two teas from the table.

He guided me towards the table at which Benedict was sitting. He had donned some light faded jeans, a union jack t-shirt, and a leather jacket.

_No no no no no._

_Not the shirt._

I zipped up my sweater with my free hand.

We approached the table and I smiled lightly at Benedict, who _of course_ had to get up.

_Ouh, so you decide to be a gentleman now?_

Keep calm Ada. We sat down, me opposite from Benedict.

“So, Ben, you here with Liz again?” Steven asked.

_Liz, Liz, Liz. Is that all anyone can talk about?_

_I bet its short for lizard. I bet you she is a lizard. It explains everything._

I took a deep breath.

Ben looked at me curiously before speaking, “Yes, she’s just upstairs, you know how she is.”

“Ah I see, hopefully I see her before you leave! I was just telling Ada here how I’ll be in tonight till 11.”

“Oh that’s too bad Steve. Now she’ll be all alone!” Ben smiled.

_What was that supposed to mean?_

“I don’t know. She was just telling me, weren’t you? Flat hunting right Ada?” he looked to me.

“Yes, just seeing a few places, maybe walking around seeing what’s available.” I looked only at Steven.

“Well, actually, maybe Ben could help you out! I’d hate for you to do it all alone. Ben knows London like no one else does, he’d be the perfect company.

_I beg to differ._

“Oh, no. I couldn’t, I’m sure Ben has much better things to do with his time.” I said through gritted teeth.

“Nonsense Ada!” smiled Ben, a little too eagerly. I narrowed my eyes slightly.

“Oh, Ada. Let the man, take him for a walk! Lord knows the poor man needs it!” Steven winked.

_A dog-like description wasn’t ill-suited._

_When did I get so mean? Gotta relax Adaline. Maybe it was just the hangover. Yeah, that was it._

“Liz is leaving soon anyway, I’ll be free all night.” Ben offered.

_Yay, is it my turn now?_

I looked at Steven, smiling hopefully. I looked at his eyes and returned the smile.

“Alright, sure.”

“Great!”

“Great!”

The two men laughed and Steven placed a soft kiss on my cheek, to which Benedict looked down at his hands.

A beeper went off. “Oh that’s me!” said Steven, getting up, “Back to work! Let me know how it goes love. I’ll call you tonight.” He kissed me once more and was one his way.

I started to get up.

“Where are you going?” Benedict asked.

“To see Jess, home, away. “ I responded, getting my things.

“Come on Ada, don’t be like this. Please? Can we talk?” he pleaded.

I looked at him briefly, _bad idea._

“There’s nothing to talk about.” Jess would have been so angry.

Benedict sighed softly. “What time should I come get you tonight?”

I pondered for a moment. To be stood up again? To give him the chance? Jess would be furious.

“You don’t have to, I’ll be fine by myself.” I said, beginning to walk away.

“I’ll be at your door at 6.” He said.

“Well, at least it’s not 7.” I muttered as the cafeteria door closed behind me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys liked it !


	5. Melt My Heart To Stone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so so so so sorry for the delay!  
> I had most of this chapter written on Thursday but then my computer completely died on me.   
> I just got it back from the shop and so here we are!
> 
> I added some extra to the chapter, made it a little longer to make up for the wait.  
> I hope you guys like it, let me know what you think!
> 
> :)   
> xo

I sat in my hotel room, staring at the clock on my bedside table.

5:30.

I was still in my bathrobe, after yet another long bath. This one was a bit unnecessary but after the incident with Benedict, I felt so stressed that I had to unwind.

I was truly contemplating whether to get ready or not. Part of me convinced that he wouldn’t show, the other reluctantly admitting that I needed to give him a chance. Everyone deserves a chance.

I thought and though until my phone rang fifteen minutes later.

“Hey Ade.”

“Jess?”

“Yes.”

“How are you calling me right now?”

“A phone?

“Wow, genius.”

“I know, and because I’m the smart one I also know you’re probably not even ready yet.”

I gasped, “What? How did you even know I-“

“Steven dropped by.”

“Oh.” I didn’t really know what to say.

“Adaline, it’s harmless. You’re going to walk around with the man. You’re going to talk. You’re going to listen to him. It’s the least you can do.”

I sighed, I knew she was right but there was a bit of fear deep down inside me that always screamed no.

“Go get ready Ada. I love you.”

Why did best friends always know?

____________________________________________________________________________

 

I had just finished putting on mascara when the room phone rang.

“Ma’am, there is a car here waiting for you.”

“I’ll be right down, thank you.”

_Here goes_.

I walked outside and Benedict got out of the car, a red Aston Martin no less.

He walked around and stood at the passenger side door, he opened it and smiled. It was a nice gesture so I smiled lightly.

“Hello Benedict.”

“Hello Ada. Ready for tonight?”

“I guess so. I was thinking we could take a look at a few places around Kensington? Jess gave me the approval for a few there, complete steals. Should work with both our budgets.”

“Sure thing. But, uhm... I was wondering first if you would mind getting a coffee with me? Just to… talk. If that’s alright with you…”

Ah… well, at least he got to the point. I opened my mouth to say no, but immediately heard Jessa’s voice in my head.

**Give him a chance.**

“Uhm, sure. Coffee.”

Benedict beamed. He turned on the car and smiled at me once more.

“Perfect.” He said.

 

 

He had been driving for only about 10 minutes when we got stuck in traffic. The long line of cars in front of us assuring that it would be a long wait.

I looked at him, not sure of what to say.

“I guess we’re gonna be here longer than we thought eh?” I said, half-heartedly.

“I guess so,” he sighed, putting the car in neutral, “I’m sorry.”

I laughed, of course he’d apologize about traffic.

For some strange reason, I wasn’t nearly as bitter as I had been this morning. Perhaps it had been the long bath, or the reassurance from Jess that this was nothing other than kindness. In that moment, I had decided to let everything go and treat Benedict with the same niceties that I would show someone I had just met. Letting us start anew.

“Don’t apologize for something that’s not your fault.” I finally said.

He glanced up at me lightly, and said “Thank you.”

I looked around the car for something to fill in the silence, my eyes landed on the radio and I asked Benedict if I could turn it on.

“Sure, I can’t remember the last time I listened to music.”

“You must have a terrible memory.” I joked, turning the stereo on, earning a small chuckle from him.

The radio caught nothing but static.

“Must be the tall buildings.” He said.

I nodded, switching to the CD setting.

“No!” exclaimed Benedict, putting his hand on mine. I pulled back immediately, shocked.

“What-What did I do?” I said.

“Nothing, nothing. It’s just- you’re going to think I’m a big fat loser.”

I couldn’t control my giggles.

“What? Why is that?”

He turned the volume dial up.

“ _I’ve heard, that you’ve, settled down, that you, found a girl.._ ” came through the speakers.

“Adele!” I exclaimed excitedly, one of my favourite artists.

“Yes!” said Ben eagerly, looking up at me.

I turned up the volume, letting her beautiful voice boom through.

“ _SOMETIMES IT LASTS IN LOVE BUT SOMETIMES IT HURTS INSTEAD!_ ” I sang loudly.

Benedict joined in the next verse.

I began to sing with him, but his voice took me by surprise.

“ _You’d know how the, time flies, only, yesterday was the time of our lives, oh we born and raised, in a, summer haze, bound by the surprise of our glory days…_ “ 

His voiced lower than anything I've heard in my life, was deep, rich, full of strength, and yet softeness alike. It was beautiful in a strange way. I felt like I could listen for hours.

He trailed off looking at me, I guess I’d been staring with my jaw open for too long.

“You should do musicals.” I said before bursting into a giggle fit with Benedict.

I had been far too annoyed for the better part of two days and it was all getting away from me. He joined in, and at some point my eyes began to tear, my stomach aching with laughter.

He turned down the volume and sighed.

“I haven’t laughed that hard in ages.”

He looked forward and saw that the line of cars had begun to move, he turned the car back on and drove.

 

Sometime later, we arrived at a small coffee shop. I wasn’t sure where we were since I’d zoned out most of the car ride, we had driven comfortably in silence.

Benedict and I got out of the car, and he smiled as he led the way in.

“Would you like anything Adeline?”

“A coffee would be fine. Thank you.” I smiled lightly. “I’ll go get us seats.”

I found a cozy spot in a booth near the back of the place, as far back as I could be from the front, making a conscious decision to not let this be like last time.

I sat down, knowing that he’d probably try to talk to me.

_Let him talk Ade_.

_Try not to get annoyed or mean._

_That’s all you gotta do, listen._

There was a drink placed in front of me.

“Oh! Thank you.” I smiled, while Ben took a seat across me.

I held the coffee in both my hands, still too hot to drink. I looked down at the cup, watching the steam float from it.

“I’m really happy you decided to come with me. I know that after what happened you- well, understandably.. I just, I mean to say I’m glad you’re here Ada.”

I sighed, it made me uneasy knowing that he was so troubled.

“It’s alright Benedict. I know. I just thought maybe you had something to say, and it’d be better to let you say it.”

“Actually, I do. I have to apologize to you Adaline. I know it must look and feel horrible to you. I mean, I stood you up,” I did my best to ignore the pang in my stomach, “and then- the club, I never said anything, and I—“

He sighed. He put his palm to his forehead and took a deep breath.

“I’m sorry, I just can’t seem to get my words straight. What I guess I’m trying to say is that I want to apologize. You deserve an explanation, an apology and far better treatment.”

I searched his eyes for some sign of anything, all I saw was sadness and sincerity.

“So explain.” I said, taking a sip of my coffee.

_Here goes._

“Adeline, when I first saw you that day in the shop, you glowed. Amidst the rain, and the worry for Jess, you sat in front of that fireplace and you outshone that fire. There was something so captivating in the way you spoke, the things you said! Every time I think of your comment on the acting profession,” (I sighed) “I smile. It was just a perfect thing to say… I just had to track you down. I just had to find you. I was set on seeing you again. I was set on getting to know you. When I planned our date that night, I couldn’t hide my excitement. My niece Emily thought I was going to start jumping off walls! I- I was just so happy. I had been in Cardiff doing some stuff for work and I was very excited to see you again. I couldn’t keep you off my mind…”

He paused to look up at me.

His confession had been deeply flattering and I could feel the blood beginning to rise to my cheeks, I took a sip of my coffee and managed a nod.

He sighed and fiddled with his hands.

“I feel truly terrible for what happened next, I really do.”

_Oh god, here it comes._

“It’s alright Benedict, I already know about your other date with Liz. You can just get out and say it.” I set down my coffee cup a little more strongly than I had meant to.

“What? Date? With Liz? What?” He looked incredibly perplexed.

_Jesus._ “Oh don’t act all confused. I already know. Amy said you’d been on a date that night, right when you arrived. And they all asked for Liz. I’m assuming it happens, what with being famous and all, I guess you forget you double book your dates.”

Benedict placed his hand on mine.

I rolled my eyes.

“Adaline.”

I looked away at a wall.

“Adaline, look at me.”

“What.” I said meeting his eyes.

“Liz isn’t my girlfriend. Or a date, or anything of that kind for that matter.” He said, very seriously.

_Uh oh_.

I raised an eyebrow.

He took both my hand in both of his and looked down.

_Was he smiling?_

_What the hell?_

“Ade, Liz is my goddaughter. And the date Amy spoke about was you.”

I stared at him. Not knowing what to do.

There was a very long and uncomfortable silence.

“Well… This is awkward… I feel very stupid.” I said flatly.

“No no no no, don’t be. Oh my dear Adaline. You had nothing else to go on, and with me today, of course! You had nothing else to go on!”

“I’m sorry Ben.” Suddenly feeling like I was the one who owed an apology.

I felt terrible, I could almost feel Jessa’s **I TOLD YOU SO** coming all the way from the hospital. I had made this man feel horribly all because of my stupid assumptions.

“Don’t be. Let me explain, maybe it’ll make things a little better on both our parts.”

I nodded, not even looking up. Incredibly aware of the fact that he still held my hand. Ignoring the fact that it felt like fire.

“You see, I knew I had to come back to London to see Steven. We had made plans months ago to go out and this was the only bit of free time I had for sure. That’s the reason I asked you to meet me then too. I had told Steven, who presumably told everyone else, that I had a date before I was meeting them, so they should expect me to be late. So there’s that bit of the puzzle. Now, when I was leaving Cardiff, one of my very best friends, Matthew, called me up in a panic. His boss had called him from Shanghai, he offered him a position as a head director of some important three week project and needed someone to take Elizabeth, his daughter and my goddaughter, to his mother’s. He barely had the time to pack, nevertheless drive Liz up to London. Now, I’ve taken care of Liz plenty, she’s a joy and she just celebrated her 12th birthday. I have seen her grow before me and she is every bit as family as Matt is. So, we detoured on our way back to London and picked her up. On our way into the city, we ran into some very heavy traffic. Some sort of terrible accident... Regardless Ada, we tried to find our way around it, but nothing. We drove through a small town, outside of London, but quickly regretted it, the traffic there was worse and to top it off, we were in a no service area. Believe me my darling, I tried to call, to send a message, but nobody’s phones were working. I killed the battery just trying to reach you.”

He paused to take a drink of his coffee, looking up at me past his drink. Maybe I should say something.

“Alright, well, then that takes care of that, I guess. But then, why still go to the party?”

“Right. That bit was strange. When we finally got into town, I remembered the other reason I had to meet up with Steven. I had to stay with him. My house was being renovated after two weeks ago Liz stayed over with her friends in my flat while her mother was in France with her new boyfriend. I ran out to get some food for all of them, but I guess the girls decided to have a water balloon fight. They left the bathroom tap on and didn’t realize. As soon as I came in through the door, the water spilling down the stairs gave them away. The damage itself wasn’t so bad, the floor in my bathroom needed replacing anyways and the girls apologized profusely and helped clean up. I wasn’t angry if anything, relieved that I had an excuse to get a new floor. But, back to you.”

He smiled.

I smiled.

“I knew I had to go see Steve, so I left Liz with her mother and quickly made my way over. I never even had time to change. But I doubt you noticed.. I tried to explain to you, I swear. But that night you simply looked so angry, I was afraid anything else I’d say would make you even more upset. Later that night, I tried to come up and talk to you when you were sitting at the end of the booth, but then came Steven and I saw you two… I guess, I didn’t- I, uhm. It’s. I just didn’t see that bit coming.” He withdrew his hand from mine.

It was bound to come up.

I really didn’t know what to say, Benedict’s revelation had left me with a pit in my throat. I knew now that I had completely misinterpreted the situation, and realized that my actions and decisions that night had created our new predicament. I also knew that those bright blue-green eyes from across the table were burning my cheeks, that his hand had left a chill on mine after he drew back.

This moment here was going to be a tough one.

“I-Uhm, Yeah.”

_Wow, I might as well be Shakespeare. So eloquent._

“Don’t. It’s my fault.” Ben spoke softly. As if the louder we spoke, the more he was accepting the situation.

I looked up at him questioningly.

“How could any of this be your fault? Listen, Ben, I met Steven on a completely different account. I wasn’t even sure about meeting him that night. But after you didn’t show up, I thought it would be nice to have a night out. Steven is a wonderful man, I’m very glad I met him. He is very kind, and that is nice to have. You have to understand that from you, I’ve seen very little. I don’t know you very much at all. I know you’re famous, I know you’re tall, I know you’re an actor. But from that, I don’t know you very much at all.”

“I know, I know. And I wish it wasn’t this way. I’m so sorry for the way things turned out. Because I should have been there that night, it should have been me and this is what I mean by it’s my fault. I didn’t want it to go like this.” His eyebrows knotted together on his forehead.

In that very instant, I looked at Benedict.

In that moment, he sat across from me and I saw something more than him. Something called out to me. Telling me that I needed to see more.

Whatever my motives, and whatever were his, I took the decision to at least get to know him. Something inside said it was worth it.

I took his hand. And he looked up at me. Softly, he smiled at me. His eyes shining through.

“I say we start again. No fuck ups, no misunderstandings. Just new.”

I smiled.

His eyes gleamed now, his face softened and he got up.

“What-Where are you going?” I asked as he walked behind the booth.

He walked up to the table.

“Oh, hello miss. I see you’re sitting all alone. Would you mind if I accompanied you?” he winked.

AH! _Okay_.

“Of course not! Please do, take a seat Sir.”

I breathed out and we talked for hours.

 -----------------------------------------------------------------------

“I can’t believe you were Christopher Tietjens!” I gushed.

“It’s true, it was me.” He chuckled.

I squealed in delight. “Ugh! Parade’s End is my favourite! Ford Madox Ford writes in such a soft manner, but it’s so hard-hitting. I don’t know what to think!”

Benedict smiled at me. “Yes, well, the adaptation was done by Sir Tom Stoppard, he came back just for this project you know. It was so well done Ada, you should watch. It truly is fantastic. Won a BAFTA you know.” He winked.

“You’re only saying that because you’re in it! What if it’s terrible? Tietjens is one of my favourite men. He was a man of morals, a man not of his time, but stuck in his time. Valentine was such a match for him, I just loved them so much. She was perfect because she was a woman of morals, not of her time too, but they were so different because her morals were so new and radical, whereas Chris’ were of the times before him. And Chris is just so soft-spoken and beautiful in a strong way and – I – Oh god, I’m ranting, I’m sorry.”

We were sitting in the bar we had walked into after finishing our coffees, after our third beer we had begun to discuss Benedict’s career. Despite many of his tries to persuade me onto a new topic.

“It’s funny you should say that… Christopher is the one character closest to my heart…” he looked into his drink, smiling to himself. Something that he’d been doing a lot tonight.

“Ah Chrissy, shall we get another drink?” I said in my best English accent.

“My dear, we shall.” We clinked glasses and had another.

_______________________________________________________________________

We had decided to cab it back home and spent the car ride singing Adele songs from Benedict’s phone. I felt bad for the cab driver but was far too intoxicated to care.

“I met Adele you know” said Benedict, slurring slightly.

“Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?” I dropped my jaw.

“Well, she sort of walked behind me on a red carpet. I freaked out. I love Adele. I love love love love her.” He giggled.

“I keep forgetting you’re famous Ben, you’re so normal. You’re funny, and you’re silly, and you’re nice. And so normal.” I smiled lazily.

“Ah, that is my charm fair lady! Inconspicuous everyday man! I am a chameleon on screen!” he raised an index finger in the air.

I looked at him with the little light there was in the car.

“Maybe it’s because you’re so handsome. I could see the movie-star quality of this face.” I reached up a hand and stroked his face lazily.

He grabbed my hand and placed it on his cheek. He sighed and put it down.

“I have no idea what you mean.”

 _________________________________________________________________________

When we arrived at the hotel, Benedict insisted on walking me up to my room. I refused very little, all the alcohol making me very sleepy.

We got up to my room and I stood at the door.

Not knowing what came over me, I said:

“Come in, have a nightcap Ben!”

Benedict frowned and stood at the door.

“Adaline… I should go.”

“Oh come in, you idiot. Nothing is gonna happen. I just enjoy your company is all.”

He walked through the door.

“Alright, but let me call a cab first, and freshen up. That last beer is buzzing in my head and maybe some cold water will clear me up.”

“Okie dokes, artichokes.”

Ben laughed in the bathroom, I could hear his phone still playing a song.

 

_You say my name like there could be an us,_

_I best tidy up my head I'm the only one—_

 

I was now laying on my bed, my eyes closing themselves…

“Ada?” a deep voice entered my dreams.

“Go away God, I’m sleeping.” I mumbled.

A chuckle, I felt a face near me. “Okay, goodnight Adaline.”

I opened my eyes to find Benedict’s face on mine, I turned my head and without meaning to, our lips grazed.

I held my breath.

He held his.

_Was this real?_

_Am I dreaming?_

And then he did it again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AH!
> 
> I hope this cliffhanger wasn't too bad.   
> I promise the next chapter will be up much quicker !


	6. Don't You Remember

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!  
> This chapter is purposefully short!  
> Great things (kinda ) await Ada and Jess.  
> Bear with me, next chapter will most likely be up tonight!  
> xo.

I awoke with a start.

“Gah! Jesus! What!” I looked around, gasping for air.

I looked around, the bright light coming through the windows blinding me.

_What time is it?_

I looked at my phone, 8:57 am.

I could have sworn it was still night five seconds ago when I closed my eyes.

When I-

“OH!” I gasped.

“No! No!”

_I couldn’t have!_

I tried to think back, my memories desperately hazy.

_Did I really kiss him? Did he kiss me? what what what what_

I sat up. I closed my eyes and tried to remember. I could see his face much too close to mine, I could see his eyes flash open, brilliant blue. I could feel the heat of him. But I couldn’t remember a kiss.

_Did I dream it?_

The line between what happened last night and what I dreamt was so blurry that I truly could not decipher the reality of my flashbacks.

I saw a blinking light coming from my phone.

3 missed calls and 1 unread message.

There was a call from Jessa, Steven, and Ben each.

The message read:

**_From: Benedict_ ** _(_ _when did I give him my number? Gotta stop with the alcohol Ada.)_

**_To: Me_ **

**_“Hello Adaline, I was hoping to see you once more. Last night was a frenzy. Call me when you can please, maybe we can talk? X, Ben.”_ **

I could never tell the difference between what the x meant and what the o meant. Was that a kiss? A hug? _The implications!_

I read it again.

_Last night was a frenzy_.

Well….. shit.

What could that mean?

The message was relatively recent. 7:30am.

The questions inside my head were incredibly loud, perhaps being augmented by the slight hangover and lack of sleep.

I dialed Benedict’s number. My body shuddered, I felt a surge of heat run through my spine. I nestled myself inside my bed covers. Cocooned for safety?

It rang five times, and just before I was about to hang  up I heard his voice on the other side.

“He-Hello?” he cleared his throat.

I froze.

“Adaline?” he spoke in a deep, husky voice.

“Hi, uhm. Hi Ben. Did I wake you up? I’m sorry, I just woke up and saw your uhm… message.” I stuttered out.

He sighed and I heard a thump accompanied by some rustling.

“Sorry darling, no. I had just fallen asleep. It’s alright.”

“Oh? How come?” I asked innocently, hoping for some clues.

“I couldn’t sleep.” He said flatly.

_Had I said something?_

“Oh, I see…” I tried to sound a little disappointed. “Well, then, in that case, I’ll let you get back to sleep. I’m sorry I disturbed you Ben.”

“No, Adaline. You didn’t. It’s just- I- After last-“he sighed.

“Use your words Benedict…” I tried to lighten the mood.

“At first, I couldn’t sleep after what happened last night. For a lot of reasons, then I started thinking and then I couldn’t sleep because I already wanted to see you again.”

Unsure of what to say, my mouth took control.

“What happened last night?” I asked.

A very long pause on the other side, I had to check and see if he had hung up.

“You… You don’t remember?” he whispered when he finally spoke.

“Everything is a little hazy, I remember you coming in and I sort of laid on my bed and then I think I fell asleep but I can’t be sure.” I said truthfully.

“I see…” Benedict trailed off.

“What happened?” I asked a little more intently this time.

A pause, a sigh and then he spoke.

“Can I see you today, or tonight?” 

“Will you tell me what’s going on Benedict? Please.” It was hard to keep the desperate tone out of my voice.

“I’d feel much better if I could see you when I told you.” He sighed.

“Fine. When and where?”  

“I’ll-“ he yawned loudly, “Sorry!” he giggled. “I’ll come get you. How’s 4?”

I yawned involuntarily. “Sounds good. “ My eyelids began to droop and suddenly I could stay awake no longer.

“Goodnight Benny. See you tonight.” I mumbled, closing my eyes and snuggling further into my blankets.

“Goodnight love. I’ll be seeing you.”

My hearing went hazy and I fell asleep, into a soft sleep.

I dreamed Benedict beside me, snoring lightly, hearing my name between his lips often.

 __________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I awoke to my name.

“Ada?” spoke a deep voice.

Was I still sleeping? 

“Ada?” Probably.

“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaada?” it spoke again.

I opened my eyes. Not asleep. I looked around the room, no one was here. _Where was the voice coming from?_

“Adaline?” It sounded like it was coming from the covers.

I searched around and found my phone.

I looked at the screen.

**_Call: Benedict_ **

**_Call Duration: 3:18:42_ **

“Hello?” I whispered.

“Ah! There we go! Hello!” Benedict said cheerily.

“Hello…” I repeated.

“You snore when you sleep!” he giggled on the other side.

“Something tells me you do too… Sorry, I think I fell asleep before I hung up.”

“Not to worry, I think I did as well.” I could feel a smile from the other side.

“How long have you been awake?” I questioned.

“Not long, maybe 5 minutes. I couldn’t bring myself to hang up. You have a very cute snore.” He said.

Not knowing how to take that comment, I responded. “Okay, relax there. I’m gonna go get ready. Look at the time. I’ve gotta visit Jess.”

“Alright darling, I’ll see you.”

I hung up without replying.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________-

I entered Jess’ room to see her very happy.

“Hi baby! How are you feeling?” I said as I walked in.

“Oh! Hi Ade, much better! I get released today! Well, tonight. I have an x-ray scheduled for 7 but yay!”

“Oh that’s great Jess. I won’t be here to pick you up though. Crap, I’m so sorry!” I said smacking my forehead.

“What? How come? Date with Steven again?” She raised an eyebrow.

“Actually…” I took a deep, guilty breath and explained my situation to Jess.

She took it surprisingly well, only gasping every once in a while. She did exclaim a very proud “I told you so!” when I told her Benedict’s explanation but otherwise, she wasn’t too shocked.

“I knew it. I bet you totally did kiss!”

“Shhhh!! Jessa! Someone could hear you!” I said rushing to put my hands over her mouth.

She mumbled something and ripped my hands off.

“Alright, alright. But I really hope I’m right! I mean, I really like Steve! He’s been checking up on me almost every day, but you and Ben!” she sighed.

I didn’t really respond, and Jessa looked concerned.

“Listen Ade, there is nothing to worry about. You know nothing for sure. Just go and see what happens. You said you’re meeting at 4 right? Well, go get ready. It’s nearly 3 and you are totally not date with a movie star ready.”

“Wow Jess, thanks. Really.” I said sarcastically.

“You know I love you!”

I left to get to the hotel room.


	7. Wake Me Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had originally made this several separate chapters.  
> But I hate having left you all with such a short one last time.  
> It is now 3:41am, I am supposed to be up at 8am.  
> I truly love this story so much, this chapter just flowed out of me. I couldn't sleep till it was done :)
> 
> I honestly hope you guys like it, thank you infinitely for reading. 
> 
> Sorry if there are any errors, I am only glancing it over tonight.
> 
>  
> 
> xoxoxoox

I laughed to myself as my iPod chose an Adele song, I turned up the volume and I walked inside the bathroom to do my make-up.

I wasn’t too sure of where exactly Benedict and I were going to tonight, I assumed maybe food, probably drinks after and I prepared myself accordingly. It was a bit early to be going to dinner, so maybe we’d head somewhere else. I wondered what he had in store.

I caught myself smiling as I hummed along to the song, and paused to look at myself seriously.

“What are you so happy about, you idiot.” I told my reflection.

I looked at my phone to check the time when I realized that I had yet to call Steven back. I decided to give him a quick ring, as I dialed my stomach did a guilty flip, and I assured myself that it was nothing and I still didn’t know what had happened.

“Hello?” answered Steven.

“Oh, hey! How are you?” I said cheerily.

“Hey Ade, I’m good. Double shift at the hospital tonight. You?”

“Not much. Uhm, Benedict invited me out again tonight, I said yes, I hope that’s alright?” I said nervously. I truly thought he’d be angry but instead I heard a chuckle.

“Of course Ada, Ben had already told me! He said I’m not allowed to tell you what’s going on tonight. Something about a British List? He said you’d be delighted. I’m only slightly jealous that it’s not me but Ben will actually be the more fitting company.”

I tried to stifle a relieved sigh.

“Damn! Haha, I guess I’ll have to wait? By the way, I’m sorry about not calling earlier! I had a weird sleep last night and then I had to go see Jess and honestly, it just escaped me.” I said truthfully.

“Oh not to worry my darling, I understand. What did you and Ben get up to last night? He came home sort of drunk and mumbling about a fire. Did you set anything ablaze?”

_That could be answered in so many ways Steven…_

“What? No! At least I don’t think so. We just had a few drinks after walking around. I guess Benedict can’t hold his liquor. But then again, I guess I can’t either. It’s all sort of hazy Steve.”

_Well, that much was true. Technically._

“Ahaha, don’t they teach you how to drink up there in the Great White North?” he giggled.

“Yeah, yeah. You can poke fun later mister. But I’ve got to go get ready for god-knows-what.” I said to a still giggling Steven.

“Alright, go love. Don’t look too beautiful. Although I’m sure that’s going to be hard for you. You’re already so gorgeous.” Steven sighed on the other side of the phone. “I miss you Ade. Just thought you should know.”

“I know,” I took a deep breath to steady myself after his words, “I do too Steven. “

“Have a great night, take care.” He said and then hung up.

I let out a big breath that I wasn’t aware I’d been holding in. The phone call had gone much better than expected, and maybe nothing really happened if Benedict had told Steven that we were going out again.

But then his words echoed in my mind, mumbling about a fire.

_I could swear I remembered fire last night._

_Could just be my imagination though._

Just as I was heading back to my make-up, Set Fire to The Rain came on and I broke out in a fit of laughter, both out of tension and pure coincidental irony.

Around 3:55 Benedict texted me to tell me that he was downstairs, but to not rush and take my time.

I’d been sitting on my bed for about 5 minutes staring at myself in the mirror. I’d been staring so long that my face started to look strange to me.

I got up and checked my outfit in the mirror once more before I left. My white long sleeved blouse and coal black jeans contrasted perfectly. I was a few inches taller thanks to my black wedge boots, classy but adding my height.

Maybe this way I won’t look miniature when I stand next to Ben.

I had noticed our height difference last night, he was only 5 inches taller than me but in my mind, he towered over me.

I grabbed my phone and coat and walked downstairs.

When I exited the hotel doors, I looked up and down the street but found no cars. I turned around to text Benedict when he popped out of the hotel.

“Jesus!” I exclaimed.

“No, it’s me, Ben.” He grinned.

“Funny. Very funny.” I smiled back.

“Hello Adaline.” He approached me and enveloped me in a quick hug. He rested his hand on my arm and began to lead us around the corner.

“Hello Benedict, where, may I ask, are we going?” I looked at him. Not too tall over me.

“You may not ask, but I will tell you anyway. We are going to the parking lot.” He smiled cheekily.

“The parking lot?” I raised an eyebrow, as I spoke, we turned the corner and arrived at the parking lot of the hotel.

_He wasn’t kidding._

“Yes, the parking lot. Now, I hope you’re not afraid of speed.”

“What, like the drug?” I asked, confounded. Maybe there was a drug deal going on here, maybe Ben was a drug pusher.

_What? Am I okay?_

Benedict gave me a look and walked towards a motorcycle.

_Ah! I see._

“I swear I could see the lightbulb blink on.” He laughed.

“To answer your question, I am not afraid. In my younger days, I owned a motorcycle myself.” I smiled proudly, remembering the old Yamaha my dad had let me buy for my 19th birthday. It hadn’t been a particularly good bike, but I drove everywhere on it during the summer months. Nearly every day until the motor gave out and so did my Bike Repair Fund.

“I can truly say I’m impressed Adaline.” He smiled as he put his helmet on. “A woman of so many mysteries.”

“A million.” I said, putting on my helmet and taking a seat on the bike.

_______________________________________________________________________

We drove around London and ended up at a small restaurant that looked like it served Italian food.

The drive around the city in itself had been spectacular, whizzing by cars and people and catching glimpses of a few places that were on my list.

That reminded me…

“You ready?” Benedict smiled at me as he stood in front of the restaurant.

“Hm? Oh, yes! Let’s go.” I entered with him.

We sat down and ordered some drinks. For me, just a lime water. For Ben, a Canada Dry.

“Is that supposed to mean something?” I asked him.

“What? This? No! Never! I just have found a recent palate for Canadian foods. Just yesterday I drank an entire gallon of Maple Syrup. It’s true. I swear.” He said with an incredibly serious look.

“I almost believed you. Damn you acting folk! So hard to trust!” I joked.

“You can trust me Ade.” He said, with a very different look set in his eyes.

I cleared my throat, unsure of what to respond when the waiter came back and asked us for our order.

Once our food had arrived, we began to eat. There was a comfortable silence, filled occasionally with the sounds of our enjoyment at our food or with remarks on the clearly incredible abilities of the chef.

“Would you like a bit of my meat?” said Benedict.

I choked on the bit of pasta I was chewing.

“What?!” I exclaimed.

“Oh! Oh God, Ada, Oh jeez!” he laughed heartily while putting his hand over his mouth. “I meant- Hahaha, I meant, would you like to try the steak?”

He cut out a small piece of the steak he had been eating, which admittedly looked delicious.

I nodded and he brought the food towards me. I had to crane my neck towards him a bit, but I took a bite.

It was perfectly done.

“Oh my god,” I said finishing my bite, “Where did you find this place Ben? Everything is so good!” I smiled.

“Ah, just one day, walking around London. I love doing things like this. Going around, trying new restaurants. It’s so satisfying, so exciting.”

I nodded in agreement. In part, it was what I had been planning to do with Jessa anyway.

It had always been part of our trips, to find a restaurant, try the food and then find another restaurant. Always revelling in the novelty of new places.

There was a small silence when I decided to speak up.

“Listen, Ben, I just- I am having a great time right now. But I can’t help but wonder why you still haven’t told me what happened last night.” I said, doing my best to not sound pushy.

He looked down at his plate and set down his utensils with a sigh. He took his glass and drank from it, careful to sneak a glance at me.

It was difficult to keep the questioning look from my face.

He set down the glass and spoke, “I know. I’m sorry. I don’t mean to keep you waiting. I just don’t want you to leave. I’m afraid if I tell you that you’ll think terribly of me and leave.” He looked down at his lap.

I tried to not think the worst.

“What happened Benedict…?” I lowered my voice.

“Nothing! Well yes, something! But it’s not as bad as you’re probably thinking.”

“Just say it Benedict!”

“We kissed.”

I didn’t breathe. He looked at me.

“Well, I kissed you is more like it. The first time it was an accident. The second time… not so much.” he spoke, barely above a whisper.

I truly didn’t know what to say. The memories swirled around me, a few flashes made more sense. Benedict’s face near mine.

_So that’s why that was there…_

I still hadn’t said anything.

“I don’t know how to explain myself. It honestly has no explanation, I’m sorry Adaline. I don’t want you to think I took advantage of you-“

_No!_

“No! Ben, I don’t- I don’t think that at all.” I looked up at him. “Sorry, I guess I don’t really know what to say. I don’t actually remember you kissing me. I think I remember thinking fire, but, nothing.”

I hadn’t actually meant to say that last bit, I had just been thinking aloud but as soon as I did Benedict’s head snapped up.

“Fire?”

“Yeah.”

“Me too.”

I wasn’t sure what to say, unsurprisingly.

“Haha, did I drink whiskey last night?” I tried to joke lamely.

Benedict took my hand. “Adaline, I don’t want to put you in this position. Even if you don’t remember, it still wasn’t right of me. I had been drinking and I knew that I shouldn’t have entered your hotel room. Sometimes, I just-“ He took a deep breath. “Nevermind, the point is. That I truly am sorry, it should have never happened, and as much as I enjoy your company, I understand if you want to leave.” He held my hand for a fraction of a second longer and released it softly.

I took a second to think.

As I looked at Benedict, his expression was a soft concern. His eyebrows knotting together, the lines on his forehead deepening in worry. His bright eyes never moved from me, and as I met his gaze, I wondered. I had known this man for a very small amount of days, and the majority of those days had been spent disliking him. I understood why now but even then, I still felt embarrassed and guilty for the way I had treated him. Yet here he sat, across from me, worried and silent, most likely expecting _me_ to get up and leave any moment.

Would I really leave?

I considered it, and my options. If I left, I probably wouldn’t speak to him again. That in itself caused something in my consciousness to speak up.

_Don’t do that!_

I thought about last night, as much as I didn’t remember him kissing me, I was sure that the heat that had been sitting on my mind all day had emerged from that moment. I knew that the guilt that I had been feeling all day had a source and that the only way for guilt to happen was to actually be emotionally involved in a situation.

I considered Benedict, not as a whole, but as a section of my life. He wasn’t a particularly big one, but when I thought about him, our few encounters, everything seemed to brighten a bit. His voice had become a frequent sound inside my mind and his presence commanded my attention.

I felt happy around him, whether there was other reasons other than attraction (and yes, I was admitting that there was an attraction there) I wasn’t exactly sure that they were incredibly impactful. I’d want to be around him anyway.

I looked back up at Benedict. He still had not taken his eyes off of me, nor uttered a word. Patiently, he sat. He flickered a small smile and that was the only reassurance I needed.

“I’m not going anywhere Ben.”

He breathed out lightly and bowed is head.

“Thank you Adaline. It means more than you think.”

“I want to be your friend Ben,” a look flickered on his face, but I wasn’t sure as to what it had been, “I enjoy your company. I think you’re funny and we get along well. You have a fantastic taste in restaurants and…”I paused for dramatic effect, “if I left I wouldn’t get to know where else we’re going tonight.”

I smiled, trying to ease our tension. Thankfully, Ben chuckled.

“Oh! Tonight! What time is it? 6:30! Oh! We’re gonna be late! We have got to go my dear!”

We finished our food, Benedict paid the bill (I did protest, quite a bit, but he said he owed it to me. To which I said nothing), and then we hopped back on the bike.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

When we walked up to the steps of the Don Mar Warehouse, there was no need to tell me where I was or what we were going to do.

The small theater had ranked highly on my List and I had always wanted to visit. But now here I was, going to a play inside it.

I was painfully aware of what we were seeing when the wheels began to click inside my head.

“So, this is who you meant by a friend’s show?” I queried.

“Haha, yes. Helps cross some things off your list. Theater and Shakespeare.” Benedict smiled at me.

“Well thank you. I won’t lie, I’m incredibly excited. Thank you, this is very thoughtful.” I spoke softly as a young man led us inside. He showed us our seats, very close to the stage. We gave our thanks and sat down.

I looked down at the play, beaming.

“I’m glad you’re happy Ade.” Benedict whispered in my ear, raising the hairs on my arms.

“More thank you think. Coriolanus is one of my favourite Shakespeare plays, I didn’t think I’d get to see it. There were no tickets when we booked our trip!” I whispered back, ignoring the lack of space between us.

“You’re going to love it then! I had a hook-up granted.”

“I’m such a fan of Tom’s work. And Mark’s. I’m much too excited.” I looked up at Ben, despite the dimming lights.

“Oh, so you know Tom Hiddleston’s work but have never heard of me! I see how it is!” Ben nudged me lightly.

“Shh! It’s starting!” I giggled.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

After the play ended, and after the thunderous applause and standing ovation, Benedict and I hung around.

“Tom said to wait up for him, he wants to meet you.” Ben smirked.

I tried my best to not gasp, but did it anyways.

“No he doesn’t. No. What!” I tried to not sound so giddy, but couldn’t keep the excitement out of my voice.

“Yes,” Benedict checked his phone, “Oh, we’re supposed to head backstage. Let’s go.” Ben held out a hand and tentatively, I took it.

As he led me backstage, I could feel every nerve ending on that hand set ablaze. I could feel my fingertips sparkling with heat.

Backstage turned out to be downstairs. There, we found a small corridor with names on doors. We found Tom’s and Benedict knocked lightly. 

I took a deep breath and smiled up at Ben. Still holding his hand. He smiled back reassuringly.

The door opened.

“Ben!” said Tom, grinning wide as ever, opening his arms for a hug, which Benedict returned warmly.

“Tom, fantastic job! Incredible performance!” exclaimed Ben.

Tom blushed a faint pink, “Thanks man, I appreciate it. I’m so glad you liked it. I’m still so damn bloody from that last scene. This fake blood is such a pain to get off.” Said Tom, examining his forearms.

My body decided that instant to produce a weird cough, which I tried to stifle, which only made it sound all the more strange.

“Oh!” Tom whirled around, “I’m so terribly sorry, this is awfully rude of me. Hello! You must be Adaline. What a beautiful name. What a pleasure to meet you.” he said, taking my right hand and placing a light kiss on it.

I could only nod in response.

“Tom, I think you’ve scared her.” Benedict grinned.

I finally snapped out of it.

“I’m not scared Benedict. A little star struck maybe. Hi Tom, yes, I’m Adaline. You can call me Ada, aloso,  I fear I should mention the fact that I really admire your work.” I spurted.

“Ouh, no! Please don’t be, I’m normal I promise.” He giggled. “Any favourites?”

“Deep Blue Sea by far, one of my favourites. As a work alone, but your adaptation of it was fantastic. I spent the last half of the movie in tears.” I admitted shamelessly.

“You know Ada, I did Rattigan’s “After the Dance” on stage. Some would say the better of the two…” Benedict shot a mischievous look at Tom.

“Stop trying to steal my thunder Benedict! If the lady likes me better, so be it!”

“Sorry Ben.” I shrugged my shoulder and let out a giggle.

 

 

We spoke for a few minutes about the performance, I had been blown away by the simplicity of it. The fact that the stage was quite minimal, very few props. But the acting had been everything, not just Tom’s but everybody. Even the supporting characters. Coriolanus had always been one of my favourites and I was always somewhat disappointed at the fact that it had been presented on stage so few times.

Benedict asked if Mark was still around, but Tom explained that he’d left as soon as they had finished. Some important project.

“Ah, just as well.” Said Benedict, taking a seat on the arm rest of the couch on which I sat.

“Ben, mate, do you have any plans tonight? If you already do, I understand. I was just wondering if you were busy.” Asked Tom, looking at Ben and I.

_Real subtle._

Ben looked at me and raised an eyebrow, I shrugged in response.

“I don’t think so. Why?”

“Maybe you’d like to grab a few drinks? Adaline, you as well darling.”

Ben looked at me for an answer when I felt my phone ring inside my bag.

I looked at them both, asking with a look if I could answer, they nodded.

“Hello?”

“Hi Ade, what’s going on? How’s your night?” spoke Jessa brightly on the other side of the phone.

“Great! Ben took me to a play! It was fantastic! What about you? Are you free finally?” I asked excitedly.

A resounding “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES” came from the other side.

“Alright then, I can see that you’re a little happy. What are you doing now?” I asked with a chuckle.

“I just left the hotel, I was gonna walk around, get some fresh air. You?”

“Actually….” I looked at Ben and Tom. Without saying anything, Benedict smiled and Tom said excitedly, “Tell her to come too!”

“Adaline? Who is that? Is that? No!” was all I heard before the phone went on silent. Mute button no doubt.

I continued, Tom wrote down an address on a slip of paper and I repeated it to Jess. “I think we’ll be there in about 20?” I said, glancing at the two men.

Both nodded in agreement.

“Alright, okay, alrighty, whew! Okay. I’ll see you there Ade.”

 ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

When we got to the small pub Jessa still hadn’t arrived, despite the fact that she had been much closer to it. We had been slowed down a bit when we left the theater, Tom had a few clearly dedicated fans waiting outside. He graciously spoke to them, took pictures and signed autographs for them while Benedict and I went to wait inside Tom’s car. 

Later, Ben would call our exit miraculous, which made me wonder if that’s what it was like for Benedict as well. For now, we had been lucky to only enter small, more or less private places. No one recognized Ben, or if they had, they let him go on about his business.

I was sure that if pictures of Ben and I had surfaced the Internet, Jessa would have told me as soon as humanly possible.

The bar reminded me one of the places I used to frequent in my last year of university. It was a medium sized bar, with mostly booths lining the dark walls. A bartender stood in front of an impressive selection of liquor and the middle of the room was filled with small chairs and tables.

We picked a booth towards the back of the room, once more mostly for privacy than anything else.

We had only been sitting for a few minutes when Jessa walked in. She looked healthy and put-together. No doubt her delay had been caused by a change of wardrobe.

Both Ben and Tom stood up to greet her.

Ben spoke first, “Jessa, such a pleasure to finally meet you. For a while I thought you would never reappear!” He gave her a small kiss on the cheek.

Tom, who sat beside Benedict, and therefore further along the booth, reached over a hand and introduced himself.

Jess blushed brightly, “It’s very nice to meet you both. And I assure you, there was no need for introductions. I’m glad to be able to join you tonight.” She smiled.

She was handling this so much better than I had. I felt silly in comparison.

I stood up and gave her a hug. “I’m so glad you’re all better Jess, finally we can finish the list!”

“The list?” asked Tom curiously.

We explained the list and spent several hours amidst funny stories and alcohol. Although I had promised myself to not drink so much, (seeing as the last time had not gone so well), I still did. Towards the end of the night, Jessa proposed a ridiculous drinking game between the four of us.

The boys had to guess the play from which the Shakespeare quote of Jess’ choosing was from and Jessa had to define medical terms chosen by the boys. I, on the other hand, had to guess the place in England which the boys described. Every wrong answer was a drink, every person that asked a question had to drink regardless.

At first, it went well. Then, everyone was drunk.

Jess was reading from her phone to Tom, who now sat across from her. She read aloud, glancing up at Tom every few seconds from behind a set of thick lashes. Tom looked at her with a very obviously flirty look. Benedict and I exchanged knowing looks and a fit of laughter.

Jess spoke, " Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon,

Who is already sick and pale with grief,

That thou, her maid, art far more fair than she.”

Tom laughed, “Oh come on! Could it be… Romeo and Juliet, Act 2, Scene 2? Capulet’s Orchard?

_Be not her maid since she is envious._

_Her vestal livery is but sick and green,_

_And none but fools do wear it. Cast it off!_

_It is my lady. Oh, it is my love._

_Oh, that she knew she were!_

_She speaks, yet she says nothing. What of that?_

_Her eye discourses. I will answer it.—_

_I am too bold._ ”

The man quoted Shakespeare as if it were his name. He did place an unmistakeable emphasis on the whole _It is my Lady_ bit.

“Damn!” Jess exclaimed, sipping at her beer.

I grabbed her phone, searched for a quote.

“Okay Benny, your turn. You ready?”

He winked at me. Heat surged through my spine once more. The heat grew every time I looked up at him, brilliant blue eyes focused on nothing but me. It was unnerving.

I spoke,” When most I wink, then do mine eyes best see,

For all the day they view things unrespected;

But when I sleep, in dreams they look on thee,

And darkly bright are bright in dark directed”

Without even blinking, Benedict continued while looking at me, “Then thou, whose shadow shadows doth make bright,

How would thy shadow's form form happy show

To the clear day with thy much clearer light,

When to unseeing eyes thy shade shines so!

How would, I say, mine eyes be blessed made

By looking on thee in the living day,

When in dead night thy fair imperfect shade

Through heavy sleep on sightless eyes doth stay!

All days are nights to see till I see thee,

And nights bright days when dreams do show thee me. ”

 

I let out a ragged breath, shocked by the fact that he had recited my favourite sonnet from memory.

 

“Sonnet 43, that’s one of my favourites. How fitting.” Benedict smiled, taking a drink from his whiskey.

I felt all the blood rush to my head and quickly reach a boiling temperature. I really needed to stop combining alcohol and Benedict. Nearly every single night we had spent in each other’s company had been surrounded by alcohol.

Although I knew that alcohol did not affect the way I acted, or in truth, the choices I made, it still made it hard to remember the events the next day and that was the part I wasn’t fond of.

“Ben! She asked the question! She drinks! Not you!” Tom said smacking his forehead on the table.

I finally broke our gaze when I turned to look, Jessa had been holding Tom’s hand.

I then became aware of the fact that I had not been paying attention to Jessa or Tom at all. In fact, other than the game, I couldn’t recall if they’d spoken much. I looked at their hands and then at Jess. She looked up at me and raised both eyebrows in unspoken excitement.

Tom, who was giddy, raised his head and smiled at her softly.

“I’m hungry.” He declared. “What do you ladies and gent say if we head back to my place and make a midnight snack? Although I think it’s far later than midnight.”

We all agreed that we were starving and headed over to Tom’s. His place was within walking distance so we all walked there. A strange thing happened when we began walking, Tom led the way with Jessa at his side, walking in sync, holding her softly at the waist, deep in conversation.

I walked beside Benedict, in a mirroring position.

“I’m glad you didn’t leave tonight.” Benedict said, I looked up and he looked ahead of us. He didn’t seem to be seeing anything in front of us, his eyes told me that he was further away.

“Me too Ben. I loved tonight.”

“Yeah well, I love-“ he began but was interrupted by Tom’s loud. “We have arrived!”

We walked up the steps of the house, Tom opened the door to the upstairs apartment. We entered a large room, a beautiful kitchen on our left and a large living room with a very comfortable looking couch and set of sofas. At the far end I could see a dining table and a stairway.

The room itself was clearly mostly white with accents of colour here and there, but the soft light, dimmed, made the room glow golden.

Jess spoke first.

“It’s beautiful Tom.”

He beamed proudly, and gave many thanks.

We sat on the bar in the kitchen, while Tom opened the fridge. I stood beside Tom. The fridge was fully stocked, and my mouth began to water.

“What can we make?” I suddenly heard Ben’s voice over me.

“Anything.” Tom replied.

I eyed a package of ground beef, “how about burgers?”

“Yes!” Jessa piped up. “That sounds absolutely perfect!”

“Burgers it is.” said Tom, turning to Jessa, smiling.

I started to get the ingredients out of the fridge, which Ben helped with.

“Oh, but you’ll have to make two at a time, only one burner is working on the stove. Inconvenient, I know.” Tom said, exiting the kitchen.

“That’s alright mate, we’ll get to cooking and you too just relax. Watch a movie or something!” said Benedict smiling over me.

We had removed our shoes and I was once again much shorter. I could hear Jessa and Tom debating over what to watch, drunkenly deciding to watch the Avengers. To this, I guffawed loudly and unattractively. To that, Benedict snickered quietly.

We began to cook and I found myself in my element. Since we had no kitchen in the hotel, I had been deprived of this joy. I truly loved cooking and I whirled around Benedict getting the food ready.

He stood aside as the burgers cooked.

“You’re good at this. This cooking thing I mean.” He smiled, leaning back on the counter.

“Food is the highest form of art, cooking is an art form.” I preached, slurring a little. I pointed a finger at Benedict, who grabbed it and laughed. He pulled me up to him and we stood very close to one another.

I breathed out slowly. Ben sighed and embraced me, his chin resting on my head. We stood there for a second, while I could think of nothing else but how every place our skin made contact I could swear jolts of electricity passed through me. My heart beat erratically and the smell of the burgers called me back to reality.

We served the burgers and handed them to Jess and Tom.

“You should eat first! This is _your_ hard work!” said Tom, ever the gentleman.

“Mhm, yummy!” mumbled Jessa in agreement, a mouthful of burger already in her mouth.

We sat and watched a bit of the Avengers with them on the couch.

Every so often Jess and Tom would yell out “Yeah Loki, you badass mothafucka!” in unison and then giggled in sync.

This would make Ben and I giggle uncontrollably.

We headed back to the kitchen to make our burgers, and when we came back Tom and Jessa were fast asleep. Nestled on the couch together.

“Can’t say I didn’t see that coming.” Whispered Ben. “I’ve never seen him so giddy, smitten!”

I smiled back up at him, we sat on the floor and watched the remaining bit of Avengers. Benedict took our plates back to the kitchen and placed them quietly on the sink.

I got up to turn off the TV and stretched. I let out a soft yawn and Benedict did too.

“Tired?” I asked.

“Exhausted actually. Didn’t sleep well last night.” He said, looking at Tom and Jessa. Nestled so innocently on the couch, he took out a blanket and placed it over the two.

“They’re taking up the whole couch! Where are we gonna sleep?” I whispered loudly.

Ben bit his lip and looked at me.

“What?” I questioned as I stumbled slightly towards him.

“You can sleep in Tom’s room, I’ll sleep on the floor or something. Not to worry.” He said a little quieter than necessary.

“You sure it’s okay?” I asked, whispering, not looking at him. Not thinking of what it could mean.

“Yes, he’s even got guest Pajamas for things like this.” He chuckled.

“Who has guest pajamas?” I questioned.

“The man thinks of everything.” Answered Ben leading me towards Tom’s room.

 

 

When we entered, we found a large queen bed. Benedict opened a cupboard and took out a pair of white pajamas. A t-shirt and flannel pants, but to me, they felt perfect.

Ben began to assemble his bed on the floor in front of the bed, and I did not speak. I went to the bathroom and got changed, gave my teeth a quick rinse and headed back to the bedroom.

I found Benedict taking off a shirt with some struggle.

I giggled quietly, “Having trouble?”

He sighed as he removed it. “His trousers fit me,” pointing to a pair of blue pajamas, “but not his shirts… Do you mind?” he said worriedly.

I tried not to ogle, I maintained my glance on his face. “Not at all.”

I hopped into bed and Ben turned off the lights.

“Goodnight Ada. Sweet dreams.”

“Goodnight Benny. Sweet dreams.”

Soon, I was asleep.

 

___________________________________________________________________________________

It must have been not long after I had first drifted to sleep when I awoke again.

I could hear Ben rustling. I did not dare move for a long time. After a while, I could tell Ben was still awake.

_He hadn’t slept properly, and that floor must be uncomfortable…_

“Ben?” I spoke incredibly quietly.

A pause.

“Yeah?”

“Come sleep here. It’s okay.”

“You sure?” he whispered back.

“Positive.”

He climbed into bed softly, I scooted over a bit and we got comfortable. We faced each other, with a comfortable space between us.

 

 

I closed my eyes and pretended to sleep. Partly because I  really couldn’t and partly because I was painfully aware of Ben’s presence beside me. Half naked and warm.

Some time went by and all I heard was:

“Forswear it, sight! For I ne’er saw true beauty till this night.” The whisper was barely audible, but my senses did not betray me.

Some time later, I took the daring step.

I placed my hand on Ben’s. Not fully concious, I placed it lightly and did not move.

Slowly, Ben’s eyes flitted open.

We simply looked at each other for some time.

 

Slowly, he raised a palm and placed it softly on my cheek. I smiled and so did he.

 

Slowly, he moved his body closer. He snaked his legs around mine and so did I.

 

Slowly, he moved his face. I stood still, and so did he.

 

Slowly, I kissed him.

 

And he kissed me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, pretty please, let me know what you think?
> 
> Thank you, thank you, thank you, a million cumberbooties worth of thank yous.
> 
> xoooooo


	8. Daydreamer With Eyes That Make You Melt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I truly apologize if this is awkward at all,  
> It's my very first time every writing a kiss scene.
> 
> I hope it's alright.  
> We're back to regular length chapters though!
> 
> Hope you enjoy my darlings.
> 
> xo

The few seconds his lips made contact with mine I could think only one thing.

Despite the haziness inside my mind, despite the warm buzz of the alcohol in my veins.

This was not a scary fire, it was the kind of heat that reminded me of warmth after being out in the rain too long. It was both outside of me and within me.

His mouth moved slowly around me, not hesitant… careful. I dare not breathe for fear of blowing out the fire.

He placed delicate kisses on my lips, soft touches that said nothing more than “I am here, I am here.”

The heat began to evolve from my lips, it spread to my mind and it created a light headiness that made it difficult to catch my breath.

He withdrew his lips and I felt an instant chill. My eyes flitted open.

He held my face between his hands, the moonlight that filtered through the window inundated my heart. I could only let out a single, shattered breath.

The light touched along his skin, highlighting his sharp features, but at the same time bathing them in a sort of silky light that left me confused.

Benedict was a contradiction in and of himself. He was all angles, but likewise, he was soft. I could feel in the way his feather light touch spoke for him. His beauty was not pronounced but it wasn’t hidden either.

I looked up to his eyes for the first time since we kissed and I let out a barely-audible “Oh.”

The light came through in such a way that I swore I could see a million colours. I could pick out the individual strands of gold in his irises, they swam in a sea of aquamarine that rivalled the clearest water on earth. The colour of his skin contrasted with them to create a scene that reminded me of the beach. Soft, white sand, a touch of brown peppering his cheeks. His eyes crinkled up, he was smiling at me.

He had not smiled at me like this before. His smile felt reassured me softly of his presence.

His teeth, all aligned neatly in a row of white stars moved. I think he was speaking.

“… I have never tasted lips so inextricably perfect.” They said.

I could find no appropriate response in my mind, there was only a single action which felt right.

I placed my lips softly on his, we intertwined, I could pinpoint the exact location of each of my nerve endings and where they connected to his.

I opened my eyes, barely looking through my lashes.

A reflection of light glistened on his face.

_What is that?_

My haziness did not allow for a deep investigation while the rest of my consciousness was attached to his. I paused for breath, he was crying.

Instantly, my hand moved on its own accord, my thumb wiping over the wet spot. My heart speaking for me.

“Don’t cry Benny, please don’t cry.” I whispered.

He closed his eyes and held my hand to his face. I moved closer to him. Removing the last few inches of space left between us. I could feel his chest expanding more and more quickly now. The heat coming off his body warming me to the bone.

He let out a long, sad sigh.

“I know that this can’t last, that it will never happen again. And for that, I am sorry my darling Adaline.”

I could feel him fighting to keep his breath even, and it broke through the fog in my mind. I could focus only on trying to ensure this man’s happiness.

“I will remember this.” I said, hoping to convey the fact that this had never happened to me before, never had I been so centered.

“I… will not forget,” he ran a thumb slowly on my bottom lip, “the taste of heaven, I will not forget the moonlight on your face. It blankets everything that I could ever hope to hold dear. Everything that I will never have. I am truly sorry Adaline, because I have been selfish tonight. I have treated you as my own and you are far from it. And while my heart wishes to never part from you, to never let freeze this fire you have set alight inside my bones, I know that once the sun rises and the sun light bathes this room, you will no longer be mine.”

I held my breath while he spoke and found that my lungs could no longer exhale. His words had mirrored mine in so many ways that for once in my long life, I was truly speechless. Not just breathless, I really could not think.

“This isn’t wrong.” I whispered.

“But it’s not right.”

“I know.”

“Let me taste the sweetness once more, I beg of you. For this moment, do not deny me the pleasure of kissing you. For this moment, let me believe that this is alright. Let me forget, and postpone the cold that will come.”

Had I not been present, I would have believed his words to be poetry. Nothing more than words on an old book. But I was there, and I witnessed the most beautiful honesty erupting from the words of a man to whom I could deny nothing.

I kissed him, carefully sealing the pocket of confessions that we had created on this night. Closing the matter. I kissed him and I continued to kiss him. He kissed me and I could feel his concentration behind it, as if his trying hard enough would make the moment eternal.

I memorized the taste of his lips, the feel of the softness that cushioned my lips. The sweet breath that was exhaled slowly. I recorded in my memories the timid qualities of his tongue, as he asked permission to enter my mouth. I conceded, wanted to taste more. I thirsted for him in a way that was constant. Not feverish, nor frenzied. Simply, I wanted to know that he would never depart.

I put the thought out of my mind.

Benedict retreated, letting escape a soft moan from my lips.

“Thank you.” He said simply.

I moved my head towards him, placing my cheek on his chest and him placing his head above mine.

He lay a soft hand on my back, moving slowly up and down my spine absentmindedly.

I could hear his heart beating and I could think of no better sound to fall asleep to.

 __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

In my dreams, I lay on my bed, facing a fireplace. I would outstretch my fingers, attempting to catch the embers of the fire, but always being too far. The heat warmed my face comfortably, it made me sad. The more I tried to reach the fire, the further from it I felt. I tried to speak, to explain to the fire that I wished only to feel further its heat, to be enveloped by its embrace.

The fire distanced itself from me until I felt no heat at all.

That was when I awoke, terrified.

I could not breathe for the first few moments.  I opened my eyes, searching wildly for what I knew would not be there.

The fog returned immediately to my brain, this time, it was accompanied by a stinging in my eyes and the bitter taste of acid in my stomach.

I tried to breathe through it but it was not going away.

I stood up and ran to the bathroom. I emptied the contents of my stomach ungracefully and was rinsing my mouth when there was a knock on the door.

My heart fluttered momentarily and I opened the door.

There stood Jessa, in a pair of royal blue pyjamas. She smiled softly, and rubbed my back without speaking.

“How you feeling?” she said quietly.

“I’ve been better.”

She didn’t respond, instead, she led me towards the kitchen. There I found a quiet, obviously tired Tom, preparing some coffee. I took a deep breath and let the smell enter my lungs and leave slowly.

“Hey Ada,” he spoke quietly and slowly, “how are you darling?”

“I’m alright. A little hungover and sleep-deprived to be quite honest. You?” I smiled shyly.

“I’m alright. A little tired, but happy.” He smiled, not at me but at a blushing Jess.

He offered me some coffee which I gladly accepted, as Jess offered to make breakfast, I sat down.

I looked around the large open room. There was a pair of shoes notably missing from the doorway and my heart landed loudly at my feet.

Tom took a seat beside me, blocking my view and bringing back my focus.

“He left early this morning… He, uhm, didn’t say much.” Tom said apologetically.

I decided to say very little about it.

“Oh that’s alright Tom. All the same. Isn’t it?”

Tom was about to speak when Jessa placed in front of us two plates of eggs and bacon in front of us. Jessa had arranged it to look like a smiley face.

Tom laughed, “She cooks AND entertains. My god, she is perfection!”

I giggled, both at Tom and at Jessa’s proud smile. “Guys, I would hardly consider eggs and bacon to be an incredible achievement!”

“Now, now, we musn’t burst her bubble Ada!” Tom fake-whsipered to me.

I ate mostly in silence while Jessa and Tom spoke about visiting places together. It was his only day off for the week and had planned the entirety of it around Jessa. Who, beaming, agreed.

We gathered our things and got ready to leave, as we exited the beautiful apartment, Jessa promised to meet him in a couple hours. They both made a point to invite me, but I gracefully declined. Excusing myself somewhat poorly.

We got into the taxi and Jess wasted no time.

“Ada, babe, what happened?” She held my hand.

I could only shake my head in silence. Jessa looked at me in concern. I looked up at her with moist eyes, betraying me.

“Oh Adaline…” was all she could muster.

With a shaky voice, I said: “No Jess, I’m alright. Just a little sleep deprived. What- Uhm, why don’t you tell me what happened with you?” I smiled a sad smile.

It wouldn’t take much to see through it but Jessa dropped the matter. She went on to tell me what had happened last night between her and Tom.

When she spoke his name her cheeks glowed a soft pink, she could barely look up and whispered her entire night as if it was a secret. Perhaps if she spoke too loudly the dream would shatter.

She told me about how her and Tom had begun to bond over their love of classic literature. Apparently, at some point during the night speaking to each other only in quotes. Bless her, for her ability to not only be a fantastic doctor but also an incredibly well-read individual, something I had long admired in her.

She told me of Tom’s confession on the couch. That he had never been so happy in so few hours.

She told me how it felt to fall asleep in his arms and I did my best to look happy, ignoring the bright memories flashing in my mind.

She told me that they awoke in the early hours of the morning, when the sun had not yet risen and how they had spoken in soft whispers for hours. Speaking of everything and nothing at all.

My heart could bear it no longer when we finally arrived at the hotel.

 

 

We arrived in our rooms, entering with a quiet silence. I looked around and began to wonder if last night had been a dream.

Jessa took a quick shower and told me that she would be back soon after a quick snack. I could only nod and smile at her.

When she left, I opted for a long, hot bath. I could not think of anything other than the memory of Benedict’s face in the moonlight. The tear which had illuminated his face. Soon, my face became flooded with my own.

I cried not for a particular reason, I could not say that there was something specific. Instead, I cried because I felt loss, I felt as if I had tasted freedom and just as soon had been put into a cell. I felt sad all over.

Eventually, the water became too cool to stay in and I exited the tub. I wrapped myself in a towel and plush bathrobe provided by the hotel.

 I nestled in my bed, shivering. My tears had dried up and I was left with a headache and puffy eyes.

My eyes closed themselves, slowly at first, then I saw nothing.

 

 

I fell into a long, dreamless sleep.

When I awoke, I found that I had not moved. I sat up, stretching my tense muscles, yawning.

Oddly, I felt better, more rested than I had felt in days. I took a deep breath and it caught in my throat. Memories attacked me in a flash of white and I could only breathe as it happened.

It took several moments before I could regain control of my heartbeat.

I looked at the windows, it was now night time. I looked to Jess’ bed where a note lay.

I walked over to it and read it.

 

“ _My dear Adaline, I could not bear to wake you. I know you’ve had a rough night. Whether you’ve chosen to admit it or not._

 

_I’m out with Tom, but if you need anything at all, if you need me, I will be there faster than you can say “Is the Queen even real?”._

_Lots of love, Jess._

_p.s. I left you chocolate in the fridge_.”

 

I smiled, Jessa knew that I loved my chocolate frozen, something about the snapping and melting always comforted me.

I walked to the fridge and got out the candy and a glass of water. I sighed as I nestled back into bed. I grabbed the TV remote and turned on the Television.

I flicked through channels and found a familiar face.

 I could not change the channel.

My breath hitched and I listened intently.

There he stood, speaking to a woman with short blonde hair. They were both in period costume. Bene- He, stood in a military uniform. She in a plain dress.

They spoke of a forbidden romance between them, barely acknowledging it. Instead, their words conveyed the meaning. He looked at her with such a deep sadness that I could only clutch at my chest.

The look last night had been so similar that the image transported me. I could feel the taste once more and I closed my eyes and dared not breathe.

The closing credits were rolling through the screen when I opened my eyes once more.

I was exhausted.

I feel quickly into sleep.

 

 

This time, I dreamt that I was lost out at sea. I could see no land anywhere near, but yet the water was shallow. A crystalline blue, swallowing me whole. I swam in all directions, crying out for someone to help me. I gave up and decided to lay flat and float on the water. I faced the sun, and although my eyes were closed, the heat grew, the warmth on my face becoming increasingly unbearable. I opened my eyes, I could see nothing but white.

_Am I still asleep?_

_No... I feel awake._

I looked to my right and found a sleeping Jess, still in her street clothes. I looked to my left and saw the bright sunlight entering the room.

I sighed and turned my back to it.

I caught sight of my phone, blinking. I reached it and opened it.

_8 missed calls._

_7 Steven._

_1 Benedict._

 

I couldn’t breathe, a sensation becoming increasingly familiar.

I dialed back immediately. Pausing while it rang to check the time.

Noon.

_Really?_

I waited  while it rang.

I could not keep the joy out of my veins.

A mechanical voice told me that the number was unavailable and to try back later.

My heart thudded.

I dialed again.

This time, it did not ring at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew, this chapter took a lot out of me.  
> I'm not really sure as to why...
> 
> I hope you guys liked it!  
> Thank you so much for the comments, they keep me inspired and are probably one of the main reasons I update so often!
> 
> xo


	9. Winds of Change, Blowing Wild and Free

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long, see below!
> 
> Enjoy darlings !
> 
> xoxoxo

**_Sixteen_ ** days went by.

Today was day seventeen.

_And nothing._

The first couple of days had been the roughest. Partly because I didn’t actually know what was happening, and partly because I didn’t know what I was feeling.

A lot of tears, a lot of anger, a lot of uncertainty. It all plagued me.

I had told Steven that I’d come down with a cold and couldn’t see him, mostly because I just didn’t think I could keep the guilt off my face if I saw him. Although he insisted on coming to see how I was, I maintained that it was a regular cold and he could stay home without worrying.

He called daily, in between breaks or when got home. Slowly, I began to feel better. Jessa let me mope for a total of 3 days before she took control.

“Alright missy,” she said, storming into the hotel room, “this has gone long enough. Get your sad, puffy ass into the shower. We’re going house shopping and there is nothing you can say or do to convince me otherwise.”

I grumbled and burrowed into the covers. Jessa promptly ripped them off and stood me up.

“Uh-uh. Nope. I get it Ade, he loved you and left you, but we are not going to give him the satisfaction of taking up your entire life. He might be famous and handsome and nice but he does not have the right to do any of this nonsense.”

I looked at Jess, her eyes full of resolve. I knew that I couldn’t argue. I stomped lightly into the shower and got ready.

 

Once I’d put on some make-up, had breakfast and gotten dressed, I felt much better.

Jess smiled as she opened a window.

“Isn’t that much better?”

 

That day, we visited several apartments in the surrounding neighbourhood, but did not settle on a place.

Not enough windows, no air conditioning, no pets, the kitchen is too small. It was always something.

A week went by, spent by Jess and I visiting London tourist sites.

I was really beginning to enjoy myself, letting the events of That Night take a backseat in my mind.

I spent a few nights with Steven, we went to the movies, or to dinner and I had a fantastic time. Steven was truly great company. With him, (I did not fail to notice) we did not have to hide. We could walk hand in hand on the street with no fear, we could dine at crowded restaurants, visit popular places…

 

________________________________________________________________________________________________

On day fifteen, I received a call from a private number.

My heart thudded in my ears.

“He-Hello?” I stuttered nervously.

“Hey, Adaline?” spoke a female voice.

I tried to ignore the sting of disappointment and the feeling of foolishness in my heart.

“Speaking. Who is this?” I asked.

“It’s Amy! Sorry, it showed up private doesn’t it? I don’t know why it does that… But hi!” Amy said cheerily on the other side.

“Hey Amy! How have you been?”

We caught up for a few minutes until Amy asked.

“So listen, we’re having Eva’s Hen night in a few nights. You don’t have to bring anything at all, just yourself and that friend of yours if she’d like to come. We’re going to head out at about 5, go to dinner and then do some fun things until about 11. Then, we’ll meet with the boys and we’ll end the night with some partying at a club.” She said excitedly.

“Oh, wow, that sounds so exciting!” I replied, not sure of what to say.

“I know right?  I know you said you’d come, but I’m calling to confirm. We just need a head count for the night. Are you still interested darling?”

I pondered it for a second, as far as I could tell, Benedict didn’t know Eva’s fiancé, and I hadn’t gone out in what felt like a lifetime. I readily agreed and took down the details from Amy.

When Jessa arrived I told her and she agreed excitedly.

 

 

It was now day seventeen, and at some point since Amy’s phone call I had become increasingly worried that maybe Benedict would be at the party. Although I expressed my worries to Jessa, she quickly calmed me down.

“Tom hasn’t said anything, Ade. Although I’ve been asking sort of candidly… He just sort of said Ben’s been... busy. I’m sure you have nothing to worry about and I’m sure that he’s got better things to do.”

Jess and Tom had been spending more and more time together. Jess would come home from spending time with him with an unmistakeable glow. She would smile and sigh around the room, reminding me of a love-struck teenager. One day, while Jess was in the shower, I answered her phone for her.

“ _You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are gray. Now don’t you know dear, how much I love you. So please don’t take, my Jessa away._ Hello my darling!” sang Tom over the phone.

I couldn’t hold back the hysterical laughter much longer than a millisecond.

Jessa burst out  of the shower, covered in bubbles and a soaked towel.

“What! What is it!” She said. Her face only sent me into a more raucous laughing fit.

I could hear Tom over the loudspeaker, “Oh, God. Adaline?” and then some giggles from his side.

“Ada? Is that Tom? What? Gimme!” She said grabbing the phone from my shaking hands.

“He’s all yours, _Sunshine_!” tears flowed from my eyes, I gasped for a breath between giggles.

After that incident, it was pretty clear that things were a little serious between Jess and Tom. Although she tried to hide her excitement and happiness when in front of me, I knew she was ecstatic.

The day of the party, Tom invited us out to lunch. We explained that although we’d love to, we had to find outfits for the night (we’d been putting it off for far too long). He offered to accompany us and after a lot of begging from Jess, I agreed.

 

Tom met us in our room.

“So, are you ladies ready for tonight? Hen nights can get _pret-ty rowdy_ here.” He smiled.

“Thomas, you do not know rowdy until you spend your undergraduate convocation night bar-hopping in high heels and a clown wig.” Jessa smirked.

“And sadly, I don’t think I ever will.” Tom said, narrowing his eyes and smiling.

 

We walked down together, where a car was waiting for us. Tom apologized, saying that his car was being repaired. We got in the car, and Tom gave an address.

“I’ve got a friend who has a dress shop, I’m sure you’ll find something that suits your like.” He smiled.

Jess was giddy with excitement, other than That Night, she hadn’t really been out and was looking forward to getting to know more people.

 

We got out of the car and walked into the store, called Moonlight. In the window display, there were several floor length ball gowns, shimmering under the lights. I shot a questioning look at Tom, this place looked much too fancy. Tom rolled his eyes.

After a few minutes of browsing, Jessa and I already had several dresses to try. Most were knee length, proper for the occasion.

Jessa walked out in an emerald green sweetheart dress, it was lined with soft black lace. It highlighted her gold hair and her green eyes. _Damn her_ , always looking pretty.

“I have the perfect black pumps to go with this. Bless the fashion gods, I actually have something.”

 I had walked out in a short black dress, it was sleeveless with a full skirt. It was nice but it wasn’t the _right_ dress.

“Ugh, back to the change room. I want them all, I just can’t pick!”

Clearly, I wasn’t a shopping enthusiast.

Jess piped up, “Ade, what if we take a picture of each dress? That way you can see what they look like on you and remember when you’re picking at the end? That’ll make it easier to decide at the end?”

I thought about it, maybe it’d save me time. I nodded eagerly and went inside to try the next dress.

Several not-quite-right dresses later I was beginning to give up. It wasn’t that they weren’t nice, they were all beautiful dresses and all looked a degree of nice on me, but the longer I looked at myself in one the more unsure I grew.

Finally, I picked up a red dress that had caught my eye. Always a fan of red, I put it on eagerly.

The dress had a deep V plunge in the back that was somehow extremely classy. The front the dress was cinched at the front, letting out at a soft skirt. It gave me room to move, but still hugged my curves (something I was proud of). The fabric shimmer a soft silver, I smiled, feeling extremely confident and walked out.

“Oh! Ada!”

“Lovely!”

They murmured in agreement.

I smiled, “I think, thank god, this is it. Take a picture though, I want to see the back.”

Tom snapped the picture and I ran to him to see. I had posed looking back over my shoulder, my smile telling me that this was definitely the dress.

“Ah, freedom at last, we can go home!” I exclaimed.

“Tut-tut. Lunch first!” Tom said, pointing a finger towards the sky.

Jessa a grabbed his phone and looked at my picture, she whispered something to Tom and he nodded.

I raised an eyebrow.

“We both think you’re at _least_ a 10/10 in this dress.” Jess smiled.

“Yeah, okay, let’s go!”

 ________________________________________________________________________________________________

After lunch, we left to go back to the hotel to get ready.

We took turns doing our hair and make-up. The small vanity in the mirror proving a difficult feat.

“I can’t wait till we get a new place.” Jessa grumbled.

“Ugh, I know. We gotta keep looking Jess. Soon enough.”

“Tom said he knows a place that’s for rent right now, he said if you want, he could take us.” Jess looked at my reflection in the mirror.

“Sure, we’ll go sometime this week?”

“I’ll tell him.”

 ___________________________________________________________________________________________________

As I spritzed some of my favourite perfume on I looked in the mirror. I had really decked myself out. My hair lay parted to one side, curled in soft waves. From my ears hung a pair of glimmering silver chandelier earrings. My light eye make up was contrasted by my bold red lipstick. I grabbed a silver clutch and a pair of glittery silver heels.

Jess walked out of the bathroom, stunning as always.

“Damn girlfriend, you lookin good!” she exclaimed with a smile.

“So do you! We are quite the pair aren’t we? Way to go us.”

My phone beeped and we made our way downstairs to the limo, full of our company for the first part of the night.

 

 

The night so far had gone spectacularly. After dinner, we went to a strip club at which a very red Jessa received a lap dance from a very buff male dancer. Eva looked gorgeous, as it was her night, we made sure to take plenty of pictures at every stop of the Hen night checklist we conquered.

Much of it was expected, kiss someone who’s birthday it is. Get bought a drink by a man. Kiss 3 strangers, the usual.

We went through several pubs, getting slightly more drunk at each one.

By the time we arrived to the dance club we were meeting the boys at, nearly all the girls were giggly and buzzed.

We walked to the VIP booth, where Eva’s fiancé and his boys awaited us. I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw Steven, and did not see Benedict.

We took more pictures and listened to Amy as she made a short maid of honour speech. We cheered and toasted with glasses of bubbly champagne.

“Oh! Crap, did I miss something?” I heard a deep voice behind me.

I choked out my champagne.

Jess turned to me, “Jeez, Ade, you alright?” she whispered.

I could only nod and look at her, in fear, eyes wide open.

She was puzzled for a moment before she looked up slowly, her eyes behind me.

I would not turn around, _I would not, I would not…_

Slowly, my head swiveled over my shoulder.

There he was.

_Oh no, oh no, oh no._

I felt my throat close up.

He was looking over me, I don’t think he noticed me. He walked off to the side, eyes looking into the crowd of giggling girls. He seemed to be looking for someone.

Jess shook me. I think she’d been doing that for some time.

“Ada? Adaline! Look at me!” I turned to face her.

“Deep breath Ada, don’t think about it. Deep breath.” She passed me a glass of champagne, I shook my head. She poured a shot of some dark liquor. I took it greedily and downed it all at once.

I let out a deep breath, and shook my self.

“I am not going to let him ruin tonight, let’s go Jess.” I grabbed her hand and went to go towards the dancefloor when I bumped into a chest.

I looked up and let out a relieved sigh when I saw it was Steven.

“Darling, I know I’ve said this a million times tonight, but you look stunning.” He smiled sweetly, calming me down some.

I put my arms around his neck and placed a soft kiss on his cheek. “Thank you Steven, always the gentleman.”

“Well, you are a lady…” he said whispering into my ear, I could smell the liquor on his breath just a bit.

We sat down and had a few bites of the several plates of appetizers. Benedict was nowhere to be seen, thank goodness.

Not much later, Jess asked me for a dance. Steven said he’d sit and let the food settle.

 

We made our way to the dance floor and a song with a deep bass line. I shook my hips and raised my hands above my head, Jess and I dancing ourselves silly.  Amy came into our little dancing pocket, joining us in laughter.

We danced happily for several songs, I began to overheat and excused myself to the ladies room.

I walked in and did a check. I freshened up and redid my lipstick and retouched my eyeliner.

 I smiled and I walked out.  Not a second later, a hand grabbed mine and pulled me off to the side. I had no time to react before a set of lips were on mine. I kissed back for a fraction of a second, purely out of instinct before I recoiled.

“What, get off!” I shouted, barely audible over the music, pushing at the body in front of me.

I looked up, Benedict stood over me. Breathing heavily, eyes lit brightly though there was very little light near us.

“Benedict! What- What are you doing!” I stepped back and backed up into a wall.

“Adaline, I tried, I promise. I did my best. I stayed away, I kept busy,” he paced quickly in front of me, hands running through his hair frantically, “I didn’t know you’d be here, I didn’t think you would look so breathtakingly beautiful. After the picture this afternoon, I just - Adaline, I tried, I tried.”

He closed the space between us and I held my breath in anticipation.

He held my cheek, “You look so beautiful tonight. You are heartbreaking.” He whispered.

“Ben…” was the only thing I could muster.

He placed his lips on mine, I could taste the liquor still on them. I could taste him, I could feel his breath. It all rushed to my head, leaving the rest of my body bloodless.

I returned the kiss. Soft at first, but then increasingly aggressive.

He pushed against me, leaning against the wall.

“I. Didn’t. Think. You.  Could. Be. More. Beautiful.” He said, barely breathing and punctuating his every word with a kiss.

I placed one hand on his chest, feeling his heart pounding heavily inside him. I grabbed his neck and crushed our lips together.

I leaned my head back, looking him in the eye.

“You’re so stupid Ben,” I said, my voice quivering, stroking his cheek, “You’re so, so stupid.”

A tear fell from his eye, “I know, I know Ada, I know, I’m so so sorry.”

He kissed me and I could feel the heat emanating from him. My emotions only adding more heat to the fire.

I grabbed his waist and pulled him towards me. He moved his lips to my neck, kissing, nipping, and biting softly. He moved his mouth to my ears, sucking softly. I could only moan in response. I opened my eyes, we stood in a dark spot, hiding between a screen and the bathroom entrances. Very much out of view.

He kissed my lips again, I thirsted for his taste. Our tongues intertwined and he moaned deeply. The reverberations reaching my core.

He ran a hand up my leg, and my legs shook. I could only kiss him more in response. Our lips a mess of tongues and teeth. I bit him and then ran my tongue along his bottom lip. He pushed his hand further up my leg in response, rubbing softly at the outside of my thigh.

I splayed my hands on his back and kissed and licked at his neck. The heat and the taste of him creating an unmistakeable pool in my lingerie.

He gnarled as I kissed along his jaw. He pushed his hand up and grabbed a handful of my ass in his hands, kissing me more passionately than ever. Breathing heavily, I struggled and detached for a second.

“Ben… Ben… Oh Ben.. We can’t.. I can’t.. Steven…” He kissed my neck once more.

_No, I can’t do this. No, I can’t._

_Get a hold of yourself._

He kissed me again.

I placed both hands on his chest and tried to look him in the eyes. His eyes, sad, closed. He leaned in to kiss me.

“No, Ben, I can’t. I really can’t, I’m sorr-“

“Hey! What the _fuck_? What are you- _Get off her_!” a voice shouted, and before I knew it, Ben was on the floor.

“ **Ben**!” I exclaimed in shock. I turned to face the man who hit him.

“Steven! Wha-“

And then Steven jumped on top of Benedict. Punching him several times before a stunned Benedict reacted. He got up and pushed off Steven, ramming him against a wall and punching him straight in the nose.

“Guys! Please! Stop ! _Benedict, please_! _Steven_!” I sobbed, not realizing I was crying. The two men fought angrily, trying to gain control over the other. Both of them were well built, not taken down easily.

Benedict turned to look at me, his hands on Steven’s shoulders, pinning him.

In the second he turned to look at me, our gaze met, his eyes ablaze, crazed, Steven grabbed a bottle.

The brown glass crashed over Benedict, who dropped to the ground.

**_“BEN!”_ **

I sobbed, dropping to his side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My mom came to visit and I had no energy afterwards to write.
> 
> I hope you guys liked the chapter.  
> Not my best, but some really good stuff coming up ;)
> 
> Let me know how the steamy club scene came out?  
> I'm writing some good smut for an upcoming chapter and I'd love some pointers.  
> As always, thanks for reading !
> 
> xoxoxoxo
> 
> p.s undergraduate convocation is your graduation from your first 4 years of university. Just in case anyone didn't know :)


	10. We Could Have Had It All

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy !
> 
>  
> 
> xox

No sooner had I dropped to Ben when I stood up in equal surprise.

“Steven!” I yelled as he was being dragged out by two very menacing bouncers.

A circle of people had gathered around us, I could hear the  _Oh my god, is that Benedict Cumberbatch?_

_Is he breathing?_

_Oh my god, take a picture!_

_I_ _s he okay?_

 

Amy broke through the circle and instantly tended to Ben while I stood helpless, unsure of what to do. It felt like the entire thing had lasted a lifetime, but in reality it had been less than a minute.

“Go see Steve, I’ve got Ben!” Amy shouted over the still-blaring music.

I ran instinctively towards the exit, as I made my way through the parting crowd I felt Jess spot me and follow suit.

Outside, we found Steven arguing with one of the bouncers.

“Did you not _see_ what he was doing to her? The bastard! That is my girlfriend! How dare he!” The bouncer pinned him against the wall, holding his shoulders in place.

“Yeah, okay, I get it mate. But you’re more than a little drunk, you need to call down or I’ll have to call the authorities.”

“Good! Yeah! Call them! Have the filthy git arrested! Thinks because he’s-he’s _famous_ and- Oh, Ada!” Steven sputtered angrily and quieted instantly when he spotted me.

I ran to him and tried to calm him down, he was no longer making sense. No coherent sentences escaped his lips, only the beginnings of several questions.

“Are you- He- Ada, I’m so- I’m going to- That _mongrel_!”

Jessa spoke over him trying to convince the bouncer that we could handle it, he nodded reluctantly and went inside.

Steven embraced me and held me at my shoulders while he looked me up and down. His face displaying a very high degree of concern, mixed with unmistakeable anger and a twinge of something I couldn’t quite place.

“Are you alright Ada? If he did anything, I swear-“

“I’m fine, I’m okay, nothing to worry about. But Steve, Ben’s unconscious, or at least he was... when I left him.”

“Oh my god… Ada… I-I-I’m sorry. I couldn’t see straight. Fuck, I don’t know what to do.” He ran two frantic hands through his hair, tugging.

Nearly as soon as Steven spoke, an ambulance pulled up to the curb. Two paramedics pulled out a stretcher and ran inside. We tried to follow suit but the security team insisted on keeping the doorway clear.

Not long after, they emerged once more with Ben lying on the stretcher. They had placed an air mask over him and I felt the panic set in. I looked out to the rest of the party who had followed outside.

I looked at Amy, not knowing what to do.

“Someone’s got to go with him Ade, I can’t, Eva’s too drunk. I’ve got to take her home.” She said in response, holding up a messy looking Eva.

“We’ll go.” Steven said, making his way to the ambulance in which Ben was being placed inside.

One of the paramedics stood in his way, “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“But, I’m his friend. I’m a doctor!”

“Sorry, but you are the aggressor according to accounts. You may not enter. Is there anyone else that can accompany him? We have to leave now.” The paramedic said, looking at us.

“Jessa” said Steven looking defeated, “ can you go? You can keep us updated. I’ll do my best to come see him, or – I don’t know. Just make sure he’s alright.”

Jessa looked at me, unsure. I nodded very slightly and she nodded at Steven. Jessa embraced me quickly and whispered, “Call Tom, tell him to meet me in the hospital. Come with him.”

And then she hopped inside the ambulance, looking very anxious.

_____________________________________________

 

After the police arrived and Steven gave a statement, we were free to go. The bouncers had apologized, saying that they needed to file an incident report since Ben had been knocked unconscious and they did not want to be liable.

Although the police still needed to speak to Ben, they said they’d wait until they received clearance from the hospital.

Steven sat on the steps of the club as I waved goodbye to the last of the party. Eva and her fiancé had been so drunk that they barely noticed the incident at all. I walked over to Steven and took a seat. I put my arm on his back and rubbed it softly. He had stuck his head between his knees and had begun to shake lightly.

“Steven…” I said, noting how useless I was at comforting him.

He turned to look at me with moist, red eyes. His nose was swollen and covered in dry blood. There was a cut on his lip and I could see a deep purple bruise beginning to form under his left eye. The latter which was beginning to close slightly. “I would never do that to a friend, Adaline. He’s one of my oldest mates… I just- I saw him with you and I reacted. I don’t know what took ahold of me… It doesn’t even feel like me… “ He sat up, “Are you alright? In all this commotion, I never even asked…”

“I’m alright Steve… Nothing happened.” I looked at the pavement beneath my feet, worried that I might not be able to hide my guilt. I was unsure of what to tell Steven, I considered briefly telling him exactly what had happened, but I could still smell the alcohol on his breath and I worried that anything could send him over the edge once more.

“You were both drunk, maybe Ben more than you… I didn’t even react, I couldn't- it all happened so quickly Steve.” It wasn’t _untrue_ , not exactly. “I just want to forget about it. I can’t really focus on much right now…”

Steven was silent for what felt like a long time. Seconds had seemed to stretch out before me tonight.

“Okay.” He said as he took my hand.

“How about we get you home?” I said, standing as Steve nodded.

__________________________________________________________________________________

Only an hour had elapsed since the whole thing had happened. Although in that time, I managed to get Steven home and settled in bed. He fell asleep quickly, I could see that the night had taken its toll on him.

As soon as I was outside his flat, I took Jessa’s purse and opened her phone. I quickly dialed Tom’s number.

It rang almost instantly and I spoke as soon as I heard the call connect.

“Tom? It’s Ada, it’s important.”

“What happened? Is Jessa okay? Where are you?”

“Jess is fine, I’m at Steven’s flat. Ben is in the hospital.”

“Give me the address, I’ll be there in 5.”

Tom, who luckily lived nearby, arrived in what felt like an instant. We sped on our way to the hospital and walked hurriedly into the A&E. We found Jessa sitting in the waiting room, chewing on a fingernail.

“Jess!” Tom exclaimed when he spotted her.

“Tom! Oh, thank god you’re here. I tried my best but I barely know Ben… Uh, he’s being checked out right now, they just need a few details. I haven’t heard anything… I, the last time I saw him,” she looked at the clock posted on the wall above a nurse’s station, “like, twenty minutes ago… He was still- he hadn’t-“. Tom embraced Jessa, who I could see was visibly shaken.

She could handle any medical emergency as a doctor, nerves of steel. But place someone she knew in any kind of medical peril and she broke apart.

Tom went to speak to a nurse, whereas I could only stay glued to the spot in which I sat beside Jess.

I wasn’t in shock, I knew that Ben was in the only place that could help him right now. But the few seconds in the nightclub had begun to replay in my mind.

I felt so incredibly guilty, weighed down by the lies I’d told to Steven and further haunted by the horrible sensation in my stomach that reminded me that it was my fault Ben was here.

And then all too soon, I felt my stomach twist and contract. Before I could move or warn anyone, I vomited on the hospital floor.

Tom and the nurse he’d been speaking to ran to me, while the nurse fiddled with a stethoscope.

“My dear, you look very pale. Your heart isn’t beating too regularly. We better check you in too.” Said the nurse, her soft eyes looking at me in concern.

I began to feel very overwhelmed, my head feel like it was spinning a mile a minute until I couldn’t really hold on anymore.

I felt the room suddenly enclose on me, I looked up at Tom, not understanding why I could see less of him.

 

Then everything went dark.

 

__________________________

 

When I awoke, I saw only beige. I took a second to clear my vision and to steady myself inside my head. I tilted my head slowly and looked around. I was now in a hospital room, Jess’ things lay in a chair next to my bed. On my right hand side was an IV drip that led into my arm. I looked on and saw that the room was divided by a blue curtain. I couldn’t make out a shape on the other side, no light shone through.

_That must mean it’s still dark out. I wonder how long I was out?_

I’ve never been unconscious, and I planned to never be unconscious again. I steadied myself as the memories came back, potent although with less vigor now.

I was taking some deep breaths when Jessa walked in.

“Ade! Oh, Ada, you’re awake. Thank god!” She whispered.

I nodded, not sure that my voice had come back to the rest of my body quite yet.

“You were only out for maybe 10 minutes, but you really scared us. Nurses said it was just the alcohol combined with the stress. Something about overwhelming the system… They’ve just put you on a drip to get some fluids in you. I’m sorry I couldn’t really listen to them, we were also getting news about Ben.” She said very quietly.

I let out a small, involuntary breath.

“He’s alright Ade. Turns out he wasn’t unconscious all that time. They had to sedate him once he got here because he was very confused and worried and wouldn’t calm down.”

I spoke hoarsely and barely above a whisper, “Worr-Worried about what?”

“ _You_ , Ada. He thought Steven was angry with you, he saw the rage, he thought he’d done something to you too.” she said gravely.

I could only close my eyes and lay back as the information settled in my brain.

_What an idiot Ben, what a silly fool you are_. Worried about _me_. Worried for me when one of his best friends had just attacked him, when his life had momentarily been in peril. Worried about me. When he should be worried about himself.

“So stupid Ben…” I said out loud unknowingly.

“I know.” He replied.

My eyes broke open and my head raised as I looked for the source of his voice.

_Where are you, where, where?_

The curtain beside me moved and Jessa walked over and removed the division. Ben outstretched a bandaged hand to me. He was no further than a meter or two from me. I stretched my hand to his.

“So stupid Benny, why would you do that…” I said, our fingertips touching.

He looked at the contact between us and spoke in a deep, gravelly voice. “I am a fool, Ada. I am fool for many reasons tonight. But no matter what, you still come first.”

I could only meet his eyes in response, words failing me for a long moment.

“How are you?” I finally responded.

He drew back a hand and hoisted himself up on his bed. I looked at him. His head was enveloped in a bandage, I could see the deep, almost-purple blood staining through the thin fabric in several spots. There were two large spots, one at his crown and another on his left temple. His right cheekbone already had a black bruise on it, the area around it swelling slightly. His bottom lip lay puffy, gingerly touching his top lip. The rest of his face was largely undamaged, his eyes clear of swelling. They stared at me, glossing slightly.

I felt a tear drop onto my chest, confused, I looked down.

I heard Ben chuckle and whisper. “What a pair. Look at us… I’m sorry Ada.”

I nodded and reached for his hand. Slowly, we drifted into sleep.

_________________________________________________________________________________

In the morning, I awoke with a bitter taste in my very dry mouth. I opened my eyes slowly, doing a mental self-check. I realized that my bladder felt very full and I opened to look for Jessa but her chair had been moved. I looked to my other side and saw that in a chair sat a young woman with soft blonde hair. I noticed Ben’s bed was gone and a sad twinge rang in my gut.

A strange gurgle escaped my lips.

The girl looked up and spoke softly.

“Hi, Ada. I’m so glad you’re awake. Are you alright? Do you need anything?” she said, looking at me brightly.

I responded with a very wary and confused look.

“Oh, sorry. I’m Ben’s niece. And P.A. I’m Emily.” She extended a hand shyly and I shook it softly.

“Is everything okay?” I said, shooting a glance at where Benedict’s bed had been not too long ago.

“Yes, he’s alright. The doctors just sent him for a scan. He should be back in a bit. But, actually I’m here to talk to you.”

I raised an eyebrow.

“Ben’s publicist, Karon is away and she won’t be able to come back until tomorrow. She’s asked me to gather the story from Ben, you and from Steven. A lot of people saw the commotion last night and she wants to get out an official statement before the press gets too out of control. Which it sort of is.”

I nodded slowly… “What do you need me to say…?”

“Honestly, just the truth. As it happened. It might help if you tell me from the beginning. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable at all, but, it might be better if you explain the relationship between you and Ben. That way the statement can come out leaving you all in the best possible light.”

I sighed, it was probably best. I couldn’t think of the horrible things that people would say if they thought like Steven had. Benedict’s career would be destroyed, if not that, his reputation at least.

“I’m gonna need the bathroom first.” I said, getting up slowly.

 

In a few minutes, I had explained to Emily the whole situation. The date, the being stood-up, how Steven was involved in all of this, how Ben had come up to me last night not in an act of aggression but rather one of passion. A few tears escaped my eyes as I thought about the way he had looked at me before Steven had hit him with the bottle.

Emily was now holding my hand, nodding sympathetically.

“I really care about Ben, Emily. I don’t know what to do. Last night… I’ve never been kissed like that. Ben sort of, set things ablaze. I don’t know what to even think about what happened.” I confided, looking at Emily.

“I know Ada, I promise we’ll get all this sorted. Karon is really good at her job. She’ll…” Emily trailed off, her eyes looking up and behind me.

I turned slowly, to see what she was looking at.

There stood Steven, his puffy mouth agape. His hands lay limp at his sides, and despite some serious bruising, I could see that the colour had drained from his face.

“I-I-I’m sorry, I just, I walked in without knocking. I, uh… Adaline…” he let out the last word as if the air was sucked out of him in the sound of my name.

He looked directly at me, I met his eyes in horror. Stuck, I couldn’t look away.

“Steven, I’m sorry. It’s not- I-“

He put up a hand, and I silenced immediately. His eyes suddenly looking the most sad I had ever seen them. The bright emerald of his irises was now a pale green, surrounded by wetness. He covered his mouth with his hand and took a sharp, broken breath.

His other hand was balled up in a fist, knuckles white with tension. I looked at him helplessly, my mouth began to open, and I drew a breath but Steven shook his head, eyes wide in disbelief.

“I think I need to leave.” He swiveled on one foot and turned around, he swayed slightly as he exited the room.

Emily stood and ran after him, turning to look at me before leaving. I only nodded in response.

I could feel my heart and my stomach switching places within me.

I let out a jagged breath and began to cry.


	11. Turning Tables

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> xox

I wasn’t sure how long I’d been crying, but at some point, my tears were interrupted by a mousy nurse, who entered my room and informed me that they’d be taking me for some tests, all to make sure that I was alright.

I couldn’t have felt any less alright.

As I was rolled out of my room in a chair, I could hear Benedict’s hushed voice from down the hall. I couldn’t tell who he was talking to, or what they were talking about so instead, I twiddled my thumbs and let the nurse take me away.

When I came back, Benedict’s bed was in the room, but he was not. I imagined a thousand horrible scenarios, all of which I tried very hard to keep out of my mind. I lay in my bed idly, I sat up and noticed how empty the room really was. Each beige wall was bare, there were no books, no tables, no television. Only a chair beside each bed, and each chair was empty.

I wondered where Jessa, Emily and Ben were. I had no doubts that Steven was long gone. I wondered what the story would be once it came out, what Steven would say. I feared that out of anger Steven would say horrible things, about either me or Ben, but knowing him, I thought it unlikely.

Sometime during the evening, while Ben was still gone and no one had yet returned, a doctor entered my room. He dressed in green hospital scrubs, and had a small beard that was beginning to gray.

“Hello, Miss Birmingham. I’m Doctor Powell. I’ve been overseeing you since you were admitted.” His voice was soft, and he stood at the front of the bed with his hands clasped in front of him.

“Hello, doctor. Is everything alright?”

“Yes, everything is well. I have received all of your results and you have received a clean bill of health. You will be discharged tonight, but I do recommend that you take caution and keep your stress levels to a minimum. Your sickness last night seems to have been caused by very high stress levels to your system, and I must tell you that any small shock could send you back into our hands. I suggest you stay at home for the week, try to rest as much as you can.”

I nodded and smiled weakly at the doctor, hoping that he wouldn’t consider my puffy eyes as evidence of any “stress to my system” and keep me here. He peered at me for a few seconds before telling me that a nurse would be here to remove my IV’s shortly.

I laid back in my bed, feeling thoughtless. The nurse came in, not too long after, a stout woman, no older than late 40’s. She smiled lightly as she removed my IV’s, I winced softly and held a cotton ball on the site as she directed.

“Have you seen or heard anything about the man who was staying beside me?”

“Last I saw him, he was in the cafeteria a few hours ago. Still in his bandages and gown, so he hasn’t been released... I’m not assigned to him so I’m afraid I don’t know what state he’s in dear, but he was walking around. So maybe, he’s alright…?”She looked at me over the top of her glasses, I knew that there was nothing more I could ask, and nothing more she could say.

 

 _____________________________________________________________________________________________

  


A few days later I received a call from a private number.

“Hello, Ada? This is Emily.”

This was the first I’d heard from her since that day at the hospital.

“Hello, Emily. How are you?” I responded politely, but inside I eagerly awaited any news on what had happened.

According to Jessa and Tom, who had driven me back from the hospital, a few pictures had leaked online of Ben and Steven fighting. Although the pictures had been very blurry, and it was difficult to be sure it was really Benedict, there was a lot of speculation surrounding the incident.

“I’m good. So, Karon is finally back in London. She has got most of the situation sorted, but she’d like to meet with the three of you, just so everyone is on the same level about what happened.”

My stomach turned.

“Are you sure about that Emily? All three of us in one room?”

“Benedict and Steven have already spoken, they seem to be on good terms. So, yes, I think so. As long as it’s okay with you? We’re planning a meeting for this Friday.”

I thought for a moment, I hadn’t heard from either one of them yet. Although I knew that they probably wouldn’t want to speak to me (Steven mostly), I had at least expected word from Benedict. Mostly after what he’d said at the hospital.

This would at least give me a chance to see him, and to see Steven. And apologize. Definitely apologize.

“Alright, I hope it all goes well…”

___________________________________________________________________________

  


I walked inside the double glass doors of the building in which I was supposed to meet everyone at. I was very nervous, but doing my best to keep calm. Inevitably, I was running through every scenario that could possibly take place at the meeting. A fire? Earthquake? Tried for witchcraft? Who knew.

I took the elevator to the 11th floor, and searched for the office number. At the end of a long corridor was a frosted glass door. The name on it telling me I was at the right place. I pushed open the door and was met by Emily sitting on a waiting room chair flipping through a magazine.

She looked up when I entered and smiled, “Hey Ada! Come take a seat, Karon is just on the phone and the other two haven’t arrived.”

A sigh of relief exited my lips and I sat down beside her. I had just begun reading an article on why tangerine lipstick is the new choice in lipstick for the year when the door opened.

Benedict walked in, sporting dark jeans, converse a white t-shirt and a blue long sleeve on top, unbuttoned. On his head was a dark gray flat cap, and his curls were just peeking through the underneath.

His face had improved considerably, although it had only been about a week, there was nearly no swelling and although I could tell that he was wearing make-up to cover up the bruises, I could tell that they were looking much better. The cuts had decreased in size and had long-ago scabbed. The skin around most of them a fleshy pink. His lips moved and I snapped back to earth.

“Hello Adaline.”

“Hi Benedict.”

There was a small silence, Ben stood awkwardly at the door while I still gawked at him. He was managing to look very good, he smiled at me and I could feel my nerves beginning to melt down a little.

He took a seat next to me and I did my best to not fidget nervously. I did not know if it was appropriate to make small talk, and even then, I don’t think I’d know what to say. I had many questions, yes. But mostly, they were about us, what was happening and what would happen. I glanced at Ben, unknowingly giving him a curious look. Why would he say those things and not speak to me again? And why was he being so… distant? _Was that the right word?_

I was pulled from my inner musings yet again by the sound of the door. This time by Steven. He was wearing a gray suit that fit his body like a glove. The colour making his eyes stand out even more in contrast. His hair was swept to the side, and it had a wave that I recognized as the one made when he ran his hands through his hair in nervousness. He looked angelic in a way.

His face, unlike Ben’s, was not doing as well. There was still some obvious swelling and a very scary looking bruise on his jaw. The purple staining his skin so much that if it wasn’t for the green pigments surrounding it, I would have sworn it was a very unfortunate birthmark. His cuts had been healing relatively well, a few on his face had already disappeared. His eye was red, but looked well. I looked on and felt absolutely helpless.

I smiled weakly at the man who had given me so much and received so very little from me. In all truth, Steven had been much more to me than Benedict had. There was a real attraction, when I was with him, he was my focus. But with Ben… he commanded my attention. There was no choice. The attraction there was more pronounced, it wasn’t soft and ever-present. It was furious and it would rush through my veins whenever I even thought about him too much.

Steven flashed a smile, but I was not fooled. The gesture did not reach his eyes, and he looked down to his feet.

Just at that moment, a blonde woman in a black dress entered.

“Ah, everyone is here. I’m Karon. Let’s head in.”

We all took seats around a square table in a conference room. Emily took out a notepad and began to scribble while Benedict and Steven sat on either side of me. The set-up of the table did not leave much room. Karon sat in front of us.

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat and could do nothing more but straighten the pleats of my skirt absent-mindedly.

“Well, let’s get to this, shall we?” she said.

Karon explained that being Benedict’s publicist, it was her job to maintain his image. Although the scene at the club had created a commotion with the press, there had been little concrete proof of it actually being Ben. Last night, a video had surfaced. It was taken from a mobile phone and lasted very few seconds. When she showed it to us, she had to turn the volume nearly all the way down because of the background music. The video showed Ben being knocked to the ground and Steven being pulled away. Although it was very unsteady, there was a glimpse of me dropping to my knees and shaking Ben. I did not recognize myself, my face was contorted with worry and my mascara was streaked on my cheeks. The camera shook and when it refocused on the scene, there was Amy over Ben’s body. Shouting his name to wake him.

So now they knew it really was him. Although there was very little footage of his actual face, there was no mistaking Amy’s “Benedict Cumberbatch, you wake up this instant!” through the thunderous music.

Someone blocked the camera’s view and the video ended. Karon folded her hands in front of her and sighed. Explaining that this now forced us to come out with a public statement. She explained that in order to save all of our names from the public, the story would be as follows:

Steven and I had attended our friend’s party and for most of the night I had been hounded by a young man similar to Benedict’s description. Steven, my friend (to this, Steven shifted in his seat) had told the man several times to stay away from us.

Benedict had been there with some “unnamed friends” and I had bumped into him outside the bathrooms, him spilling the contents of my purse. He then proceeded to apologize, which I couldn’t hear over the loud music. What Steven saw and then misinterpreted was Benedict trying to speak closer to my ear.

Then, in the frenzy of the nightclub, combined with several drinks, the two fought, unknowing of the misunderstanding.

There had been no charges pressed by Ben – to this Benedict spoke up saying that this applied to real life as well, as he hadn’t caught up Steven on that yet.

Karon explained that this would be the full story. The official statement would say very little, but that should we be approached, or if the matter does not come to rest, these are the details which we would give.

We all nodded and signed some papers legalizing our agreement.

As soon as Karon was done, Steven stood. He shook Benedict’s hand and nodded curtly at me. I extended a hand, but he was already out the door. Leaving me unsettled. I had truly thought we could have talked.

We left Karon while she answered her cell phone and proceeded to the waiting room.

“Well, I guess that’s settled…” I said, attempting to fill the silence.

“Yes. That’s a good thing…” there was a hesitant pause on Ben’s end. I looked up at him, meeting his eyes. I could express nothing in words, but I had hoped that he could read all the questions plaguing my mind.

“Listen, Adaline… I’ve been meaning to call, but I thought it best that we let this blow over first.”

“Would a call have been extremely inconvenient? I mean, sorry and all, but I heard nothing from you after that night… I was worried, you know.” I tried to not sound so petty, but it stung.

“I just didn’t know what to do Ada. You have to understand… Steven called me, in tears… he was furious with himself. With me as well. Telling me many things which I do not wish to repeat.”

“Like what Ben, I think I have a bit of a right to know. I was involved as well…”

“He said I could keep you, that he was stupid for not seeing the competition… He- Ada, he was very upset. A lot of what he said hit home. He was- _is_ , a very good friend of mine. We were children together for God’s sake! I realized…I-- He was truly happy with you. I should have never even come near you. I should have never in a million years have done that to a friend. I am not that type of man.”

For some reason, the only thing I could think of replying came out sounding much more petulantly than I had meant it to. “You know Benedict, for a guy who treats women the way you do, you would think that it would at least cross your thick skull that maybe I had a part in it too.”

In reality, I had meant to say that he didn’t have all the fault, that I hadn’t really stopped it when I truly had the chance. But apparently, my mouth and brain were not in accordance.

“I’m- I’m sorry Ada. I just, though it’d be best if I didn’t speak to you. For Steven’s sake and sanity. You two are something, and I am no one to come between that.”

“You know. There is a lot wrong with that sentence Benedict. But at least, after what you said at the hospital, I thought a call would have been the least you could have done. But I guess I was wrong.”

I began to leave, I had my hand on the doorknob when one last thing struck me.

“Also, I think it’s pretty clear that Steven and I are _NOT_ something.”

I closed the door behind me and quickly moved to the elevator. I stood in front, impatiently. Waiting to get out, to breathe some fresh air. When Benedict came up behind me. I rolled my eyes and looked forward, afraid that if I turned to him, or met his eyes I would show how deeply it was bothering me that he had chosen to turn away from me. Although I sincerely understood his reasons, and -if it wasn’t me in the situation- agreed with him wholeheartedly, I still did not like the decision.

We walked into the elevator and our hands touched when we both pressed the ground floor button together. I froze, not breathing while the electricity pricked at my fingertips. He did not budge. I looked up at him. He searched in my eyes for something, I could feel it. I returned only a blank stare.

His lips touched mine and the fire lit inside me, my hands moved on their own accord. Grasping tightly at his shirt. I gasped between kisses. His breath hot on my neck, his tongue exploring mine. He had just put his hand in my hair when we felt the elevator stop. We jumped apart so quickly, it looked as if we’d been shocked.

We exited the elevator and I let out a breathy sigh, I looked at the floor and tried to gather my thoughts.

I looked up at Ben, curiously, wondering what could have ignited such a change from just a few seconds before.

I was suddenly _very_ angry with him, for changing his mind and just taking me on his ride of indecision.

“Benedict,” I said, through gritted teeth, unaware of how angry I actually was. It had overtaken me, “I am not some _**plaything**_. I am a human being, I have emotions, and feelings and a goddamn fucking say in this too.”

I turned to him, glaring with all my might.

“Do not think that you can just leave me and then kiss me as if nothing has happened. You,” I pushed a finger into his chest, “better get your shit together. I am sick of this. I am so, absolutely, fucking sick of this. _Get. Your. Shit. Together_. And _decide_.”

I left without one more glance to the man who was standing in front of the elevator, with his mouth agape, looking disheveled.

 ____________________________________________________________________________

 

Later that night, when Benedict texted me asking me to coffee, I had thrown my phone on the bed and not given it another thought.

Because of my anger that afternoon, Benedict felt the need to come ask me in person.

But there was no coffee that night.

There was only several hours of love making.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry that this took as long as it did but I had a Microbiology midterm that left me incredibly uninspired.   
> I wrote this so as to not keep you all waiting any longer.   
> I hope to get the next chapter up soon, trying to sort out some details first.
> 
>  
> 
> Hope you guys like it,  
> Much love.  
> xox


	12. Lay Me Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realize it has taken me well over a year to update this, and I hope you guys don't hate me/never wanna read me again :(  
> I've been going through a lot of stuff, so much has changed, but this story kept calling.
> 
> I made it extra long and promise to add a little something at least every two weeks!
> 
> I'm quite sorry, but I hope you enjoy :)

When I awoke, I felt different.  
I could hear Benedict breathing lightly beside me, slow breaths that indicated he was still fast asleep.   
I dare not open my eyes. Not quite yet.

It might be morning, but I honestly can’t tell.   
When did I fall asleep?

I thought back to the night before.  
Flashes of skin, and rushed kisses. Ripping off of coats and other clothing. 

No, better not go there yet.

A knot in my stomach tightened.

I thought back to yesterday.

The meeting had been so quick that in the moments afterwards I barely had time to put my thoughts together. I guess it’d been good that we’d all sorted out the fight. It made us all deal with each other. Steven’s quick departure still stung, and in all honesty, brought up a handful of mixed feelings.

I understood his anger, I understood his pain, his jealousy? I was sympathetic, but above all I was guilty.   
And now this.

In a way, all of my emotions conflicted.   
I was angry because Benedict had just shown up, out of nowhere. A gale force wind in a hurricane. He knocked hurriedly, as if his hand could not depart from the door for a second.

The second I opened the door, there was a small frustration in him. I couldn’t quite place it. I said hello, standing at the door. My anger was not so easily forgotten. 

“Can I help you?” I said, putting my arm on the door.

“Ade, listen. I know I’m likely the last person you’d like to see at your door. I know that you’re angry with me, and for a very good reason. I know I’ve been not only misleading but also frustrating. I thought coffee would be a good way to start but I realize this cannot wait.”

He looked at me, waiting.

I looked at him, shoulders bowed and head lowered lightly. He looked like a sad puppy.

“Yes Benedict. I am angry. My words from this afternoon still stand.”

“I know, but if we could just talk, Adaline. Just a few minutes of your time. Are you busy now?” He looked past me into the room. “There’s no one here, is there? Can I come in?”

I deliberated for a moment. I could almost hear Jessa telling me over and over “If you know nothing, how are you supposed to know anything?”

I stepped to the side and motioned him in.

He took a seat on Jessa’s bed and patted the bed beside him.

I sat on my bed instead and he sighed.

“Ada, I’ve no way to begin to express my feelings. They are so many and so complicated. Please understand that my responsibility is not to myself, it is to my friend. I cannot, and am not, the kind of person who can do that. That selfishness. That taking of something that I know is not mine. I cannot place you in that position. That of being between the two of us. I realize it is your choice Adaline, to be here, and you would cut off what you would not want. I know that. But I also feel that I cannot make you choose. I’m not asking you to choose, please know that. But in the future, if it came to it. I couldn’t ask you to do that. To choose between me or Steven. Maybe it would never come to that, maybe it’d be me. Or maybe it’d be him. Maybe even neither. But my heart breaks regardless. For myself, for him, for you. For having to make that choice.” 

He looked up at me, anxiously. His hand cradling the other. His elbows resting on his thighs. 

I didn’t speak mostly because I was still considering all he’d said, but he continued.

“I spoke to Steven. He was very angry. Partly at me, and you. Understandably. I told him everything, most of which he seemed to know. He didn’t want details. Just confirmation. I explained to him that we’d met separately, but that things had just developed. He was angry then, because we’d had the chance to tell him. After that night at the club. The first one. But we didn’t. And we know that was wrong, Adaline. We hurt him. And I don’t say this to place blame on you. I say it because it’s true, and his hurt and resentment needs to be acknowledged.”

“Benedict, I know. And while I accept fully my part in this, at the same time, you and I are nothing. We never were. I spent my time with Steven, and I gave in reciprocity to his feelings. I didn’t want to hurt him. None of us did. Maybe he’d understand if he’d speak to me. But then, at the same time, he and I weren’t anything either. Or maybe we were something, but we never specified. And look, I know it might seem as if I’m trying to find a loophole, a way to not feel as incredibly guilty as I do, but it’s the truth. Steven and I should have defined something, our expectations, I don’t know. Or maybe I should have been straightforward from the beginning, and that’s probably very true. But that doesn’t change anything now, does it? There is no choosing, Benedict. None at all. Because there is no choice to be made. There is no Steven, there is no you. There is no you for a different reason than there is no Steven. But still. There is no choice. There will be no choice. Do you know why?”

He didn’t respond, and taking a deep breath, I continued.

“Because the choice is not mine. Steven has already made his. I understand it completely. He’s said nothing, but doesn’t need to. His pain is acknowledged. I get it, and I know it must be over. If we didn’t communicate, it was a fault on us both. But now his choice is made, and he and I- whatever we were, are no longer. But the choice is yours. You have been so back-and-forth. It is exhausting. You don’t speak to me for weeks, but then one brief meeting and you’re all over me? Know that I am angry. I am furious. Because it means you don’t respect me. You come in, and you leave. All with the same low-level gallantry each time. Maybe you’re unsure of what you want. I think you are. And you know what? I am too. But not because of my feelings, but because of yours. I don’t know what this is, or was. But I know that my feelings were constant and they meant that I would stay with you and explore this. But you, you’re so unsure. You’re here, you’re gone. Sometimes physically. Sometimes not. And that makes me unsure, I don’t want to be a sometimes part of anyone’s life. Not when that’s not what they are in mine.”

“Adaline, please. Do not say that I don’t respect you. It is because I respect you so profoundly that I stay away. I am selfish, I am in need of you, and my heart feels electric when I am near you. Even now. That is why I cannot stay away. But I am conflicted. I am not unsure, my feelings are concrete. I am just very conflicted. Because you’re right. It is a choice, one that was painful to make either way. Was I supposed to choose friendship over love? Or should I forsake my heart and be the better man? How could I be the one to make such a decision? I will win and lose. It is conflict.”

I stared blankly at the wall to my side. Not speaking. My mind blank.

The silence seemed eternal. It was not empty. It was the opposite. It was so full of words. I ran over his words in my mind, answering him a million different ways.

Did he say love?

I stood, and walked over to the window. Facing the view, I spoke.

“Feelings. Benedict. We talk so much about these feelings. But what are they? I think… We haven’t known each other all that long. We haven’t event spent all that much time together. I don’t really know you. I don’t really know who you are. But yet, we’re here? Talking about breaking hearts, and choices, and feelings. Why? I know there’s a spark. There’s more to it. And there always is. But what is this? If you’re fighting this conflict, what for? Who for? Yourself? Me? Us?”

“This isn’t just anything Adaline. It’s not a particularly strong liking. It is not simple. It has snowballed yes, but –“

“But what, Benedict? Do you think that we know each other well enough at all to be fighting so strongly for this? We’ve hurt people. But you’ve also hurt me. Is any of this worth the trouble?”

At this, he stood and crossed the room quickly.  
He grabbed my shoulders and made me face him. 

“This is worth all the trouble. This isn’t a crush Adaline. I’m not in grade school. I’m not here for your beautiful eyes, or your smile, or your laugh. I’m here because I have dreams of you. Your face follows me whenever I close my eyes. Because every single instance in which I have ever made contact with you has felt like lightening. It has felt right. You’re right Adaline, we haven’t spent much time together, but what little we have, has been electric. I feel it. In my veins, in my brain, in my every fibre. It may be that whatever is between us is something or it may as well be nothing. But the way you make me feel, the way I can’t think when I look at you. It is not nothing. I could not bear it to be nothing. You are energy. You are light Adaline. It is worth finding out. That’s what I’m fighting for, what my conflict is. I want to know more. I want to get to know you. Take it slow, fast… Whatever you want, I will give you. You are what keeps me running now Adaline. How could I not want to stay? Just to know what happens?”

And he was right. His hands on my shoulders felt like fire. I felt anxious as he held me. I listened to his word. I know what he felt. Electric.

My body moved faster than I could think. I leaned forward, and so did he. I looked into his eyes and did not hesitate. I kissed him. Or he kissed me. I could feel it all over me. This warm rain, as if my blood had been heated to the perfect temperature. To warm me up, when I didn’t know I was cold.  
He embraced me. His arms cradling me carefully. We kissed. Our eyes closed and I could feel it. The way he held me. He wasn’t just giving me heat. He was taking it too.

He leaned me against the window, kissing me more intensely now. His hand cradling my face, brushing through my hair. His hand moved towards my back, resting lightly below my shoulder blade. His lips enveloped my bottom lip, and he sucked lightly on them. His tongue carefully caressing the soft skin. A touch so light it could have just as easily been a feather. 

Instinctively, I put my hand on his neck, stroking lightly with my thumb. He leaned into my touch and moving his hand lower on my back. 

I could feel the heat emanating from his body, from mine. The space between us. We were kissing hurriedly, but I felt nothing but calm. They did not feel rushed, not in the slightest.   
I opened my mouth, allowing my tongue to meet his. He’d kissed me before, plenty of times, but the small part of my brain still carrying thoughts could not remember ever sharing a kiss quite like this one.   
He moved back to my bottom lip, placing small pecks over it and moving back to kissing me fully. The calmness in our breath made it feel as if we would kiss forever, exploring the way each cell of ours felt when it made contact with the other’s.

He kissed me once more, and punctuated the kiss with two pecks on my lips. He paused. My eyes flitted open and were met by his striking gaze. His eyebrows a knot together on his forehead, creating lines that met in a worried look. But was that worry? I felt a tinge of pain coming from him, and I searched his eyes for answer but found none.

He kissed me once more, his hand around my waist and back. He guided me away from the window and I could tell where this was going. I let him lead me towards the bed, not breaking at all our kiss.   
I felt the bed touch the back of my knees and I moved my hands from his body so I could sit back on the bed. I broke from him and sat. 

He stood for a moment, peering at me behind a set of thick lashes. I wondered if he was considering moving forward. I couldn’t pause to consider anything at all. My tendency to overthink and get away from moments that require my attention means that I either do it or not. No halfway.

He leaned towards me, placing his hand on either side of me, flat on the bed. Tilting his head, he whispered.

“You are my light. You are always my choice.”

With that, he kissed me, pushing lightly on my lips. I lay down on the bed, and moved up so that my head rested on the pillows. He followed me, our eyes meeting and not questioning.

For a brief moment, our discussion came back to mind. But as I said, all or nothing.

He was now on top of me, kissing me and running his hand through my hair. 

I place one hand on his neck and the other on his chest, grabbing lightly at his shirt. He moved his hand from my hair down towards the curve of my neck. He broke from my lips and followed the path traced by his hand, dotting my skin lightly with kisses that felt like heartbeats.

His kisses moved from my collarbone into my breasts, he pulled back the fabric of my shirt to reveal more and placed kisses all on my skin.   
I kissed his cheek, and he looked up at me. An eyebrow raised lightly while he tugged at my shirt. I nodded.

He moved further down my torso, reaching my waist and placing his hand in between my shirt and skin. He ran his hand over the sides of my body with his hands, pulling up my shirt. 

Sooner than I noticed, his shirtless body touched mine and we rolled over to our sides.   
He cradled my hands in his chest and continued to kiss me.   
In this moment, I could only think that this was likely the best kissing I’d experienced and should it last forever, that would be quite nice.  
He ran his hand from my cheek to my hips, where it rested on the thin lace of my underwear, his index finger hooked lightly underneath.  
I leaned into him, tilting my hips towards him. He followed my cue and pulled off the last of my clothing.

We were now, for the first time, only touching skin.

I ran my hand from his chest down to his hips, moving very slowly towards his centre. He grabbed me closer to him. 

It was now impossible to ignore what lay between us. I drew a sharp breath and met his gaze. I placed a hand on his groin, and he let out a soft moan between our lips.

I tucked a finger into the waistband of his pants and pulled them off. I moved closer, allowing no space between us.

He cradled my face and kissed me.

This feels like I’m falling in love. 

He ran his hand from my face down to lay on my hips. He placed a hand on my buttocks and brought me close. We intertwined legs, like a river meeting and becoming one, he moved on top of me, laying me flat on my back.

He brushed a wisp of hair from my face, and lay a kiss where it had been. He continued to kiss me, moving closer to the only area that ached for his touch.

He kissed and licked at the lines that joined my legs to my body. Electrifying my entire body, concentrating the electric shocks to my center.   
He caressed the same area with his fingers, a light touch, in concentric circles moving closer and closer, one step closer to adding a spark to the fire already burning within me.  
He placed one finger inside me, slowly. A sound escaped my lips, feeling a tension release that I did not know I had held. He used his thumb to rub me, entering and exiting slowly. Spreading the warmth coming from inside me. He added another finger and repeated the same.   
I looked down to him, meeting his gaze. Those stellar bright blue eyes piercing me, sending calm to my core. He moved his mouth to meet his hands and licked at the wetness that lay between my legs. Sucking… kissing…

I began to tremble, a slight movement, beginning at fingertips that had so anxiously been grabbing at the sheets. It moved up through my arms, connecting my core and reaching my toes.

He slid up, kissing my tummy, caressing my breasts and slowly spreading my legs apart a little more. 

We met face to face, silence between us.   
I couldn’t look away. We searched our gaze, for doubts, for fear, for confirmation, for love. I could barely breathe.  
He placed himself inside me, a sigh exuding from us both. 

A constant pace, softness, a deepness that filled me and was so fantastically satisfying.

I couldn’t keep track of where my hands were any longer, touching anything, feeling fire. Feeling warmth. Feeling perfect.

The intensity only continued to grow, and with a quickening of pace our breath became more laboured and I felt his hand grab my hip with strength. He thrust deep into me, the last touch I needed to reach my climax. He groaned, a quiet expletive escaping his lips.

As our breathing calmed, I intertwined my fingers with his. He lay his head on my hips.

After some time, he moved beside me. I settled my head on his chest while he played with my hair.

“This is worth all the trouble. My choice is made.” he whispered quietly before my eyes closed and I feel into a deep calm unconsciousness.


End file.
